Wednesday, November 13, 2013

I'm DONE, Stressed out single parenting!


 
I was raised in church. I was raised to love, trust and depend upon God and his timing. I memorized all the scriptures on trust and worry in primary Sunday school. I have been a single mother since 2005. There are days it seems like yesterday, then there are those days where is seems like a million years ago. I know being a parent there are worries too numerous to count. I think as a single parent those worries double sometime possible triple. I know for me some of my worries were brought on myself. Other times those worries were circumstantial. Naturally we worry am I doing enough as a single parent to raise successful, healthy, Godly, thriving adults who will be able to function in society. Or am I raising another statistic? Will he or she end up in a clock tower going postal? Single mothers and fathers naturally worry more than average, this is normal I promise. You are not alone. I am not alone. It is a hard lesson to learn.

When I say some of those worries were brought on by myself. I am referring to the times I was too strong, too independent and too smart to admit I needed help. Bottom line it was not independence, it was not because I was strong. And defiantly not because I was smart. It was because I was prideful, huge Mistake!!! Proverbs 16:18 says “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” (NIV).  I can and I think we all can admit at some point in time. It is hard to admit I need help. I can’t do this by myself.  I cannot emotionally, mentally, physically or financially handle this by myself. Were taught by society this omission is a sign of weakness. Well it is not, it is a hard lesson to learn.

One of my favorite things women would say is “the lord is your husband, he is the father of your children”. I distinctly remember thinking lady are you nuts, who hit you upside your head?! I could never wrap my head nor my heart around this concept. Most of these women had never been a single parent. Yet, they wanted to tell me how I should look at my situation.  How I should feel. I truly believed these women were nuts. I know these sweet women were taking the following scriptures and applying them to my situation.

“For your Maker is your husband-- the LORD Almighty is his name-- the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.” Isaiah 54:5 (NIV).  “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.” Psalm 68:5 (NIV).

They didn’t mean in a physical sense. Let’s face it God doesn’t sit on the couch cuddling and watching a movie with you. He doesn’t send you flowers or chocolates at work. He doesn’t text or call you midafternoon just to say “I love you”.  I remember thinking “Ok lady, next I get lonely and want to go on a date, I’ll pray about it.” I would be so aggravated at these women.  I used the phrase “when you walk a mile in my shoes, then give me call.” This hateful response didn’t get me anywhere. Yes at the time it made me temporarily feel better. I would feel so desperate at times I would think surely I am obviously one of Job’s decedents. The Satan has skipped a few generations and I am being tested. Then when reading Job right there in black and white it was printed in Job 2:10, He replied, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" Talk about a slap in the face. It wasn’t a physical slap but it sure felt like it.  I learned what these women meant. Was not that God would be my physical husband or a physical father to my children.  That in these times if I were to call upon the Lord he would give me peace, comfort and decrease my anxiety and worry in only a way he could.

 When we really pray it doesn’t have to be a loud prayer for all to hear or see. It only has to be a genuine heart felt prayer. I mean there are still days when a loud boisterous prayer is needed. You now those days you’re standing in the kitchen kids are fighting, you’re sick the dog has had accidents. You are really not sure what you have to cook for dinner.  The youngest has just announced she has no clean clothes for tomorrow. You have no laundry money and realize you will be scrubbing them in the sink. Yes, these are the days I am very vocal with my heavenly father. A simple “Jesus, I cannot do this without your help” will work (heartfelt of course). Never let anyone else dictate your prayer life. It’s a conversation between you and God. Simple as that. In 2 Chronicles 15:4, it states “But in their distress they turned to the LORD, the God of Israel, and sought him, and he was found by them”.  And when you don’t know what to pray just say his name “Jesus.” Matthew 18:19, Says "Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven."  Ask your pastor, friend or even children to pray with you. I promise it works.

My point today is don’t let your pride get in the way of the help God can provide. Yes, sometimes it comes in the form of family, friends and strangers. I’ve made several life friends from accepting the help God has sent my way. Don’t be afraid, prideful or worry about sharing your situation. You never know when your story, your journey, your testimony will help someone else. I pray today you are blessed. That God reveals himself in a mighty way through your situation. Remember this too shall pass. There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: Ecclesiastes 3:1.

 

Remember life is short, God is good and coffee is your friend,

 

Hollie Kate.

 

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