Bible Journal (ing), Right or Wrong?

When 2014 turned into 2015 I decided to focus on two things in 2015. These two things were spiritual and physical fitness. I'm not talking about "fitness this whole pizza in my mouth" kind of fitness. I am talking about the, I want to feel decent in my skin, head and heart kind of fitness. So, in February I embarked on this new adventure. Like any adventure in life, there were ups, downs, valleys and peaks. With improvement in both areas. I have to admit both are still a work in progress. They say any progress is better than no progress at all (right!? yay, me!).

Physically, first I am the WORST dieter EVER!!! Seriously, if they gave awards for this, I'd have a medal of honor. Maybe, a library named in my honor. Yes, that bad! Well,  I decided to decrease my sugar and carbohydrate intake. As well as increased my physical activity. With Gods help, I lost. It was not easy, let me tell you NOT. EASY.  There were fits of HANGRY moments, very ugly toddler moments. I had bad let me sit on the floor, fridge door open and literally shoveling in everything in the fridge. Complete with chocolate dripping from my chin. No, worries though, I had enough donuts to soak up the chocolate. These days would have been so easy to wallow in my HANGRY misconduct. But, couldn't! Had to pull of those big girl (literally) panties and move forward.  These hangry days were followed by days of fitness perfection. Angels singing, hallelujah perfection. Yes,till this day there are days french fries and double fudge chocolate cake whisper lovely sweet nothings in my ear. Ever read the Song of Solomon? Well, I am positive that Song of Solomon was written about my love for food. But, again with Gods help GOAL MET at 60 pounds down (whoop! whoop!) All glory to God. Goal of 45 more for 2016. However, I do not feel my physical fitness is about a number on a scale. It's about feeling happy, healthy and good in my skin.

As I embarked on the new physical fitness adventure, I included more importantly my spiritual journey. Let me just start with once upon a time way back when, I was a cup of Jezebel, a dash of Rahab and a few ounces of Delilah. You could say I was spiritually a one woman wrecking ball. Your initial reaction is to judge me. Which is okay, I'd do, did the same.
In the midst of the wrecking ball life, I had a inner desire to be more like Mary. Once a good church girl who was blinded by what the world had to offer me. Seriously, without morals, standards and a conscious the world is the literally the best playground out there. The problem is, it's Satan's playground. A huge fun bright shiny world so full of empty promises and disappointments. Similar to smoking pot and getting drunk. Everything is funnier, taste better, looks better (beer goggles) and easier to do without feeling bad about it. But, in the end you wake up with a headache, in unknown places with unknown people who truly do not care about you as a person. Ill, lonely and guilt ridden. Yep, me, me and me again. Several years ago, Surprised? Don't be, more people than you realize has been there.

I had begun by finding a church I felt comfortable in. I started volunteering with the youth. Even began a bible study for women. In the midst of "teaching" these women I had realized never really learned how to study the word. I didn't know as much as I thought. I knew what it said, but not where to find it. Sorta, defeats the purpose. I began seeking how I should study from others. I wanted to do it right, to learn as much as possible. In an attempt to bring myself closer to God. With all the new "right" way to study I was more confused than when I started and overwhelmed. Which made me no closer to God than before this impossible feat. I asked a more people just to be sure. Who felt because I grew up in church I should know the word, front to back. That my walk with him should be closer. Well, wrong, wrong and wrong again.

Finally, (this year) I did what I should have done in the beginning. I began to pray about it. I wanted God to show me the right way to study his word. I wanted to know as much as I could. I wanted and still want to know all of it. Every ounce. I didn't just want to study, I wanted to remember what I studied. This is something I recommend to anyone who wants to increase their walk or have a more intimate walk with God.

First thing I learned is studying is similar to prayer. It's a conversation between you and God. Prayer is a verbal conversation. Studying is a non-verbal communication. Guess, what there isn't a right or wrong way. When you increase your prayer life and time in the word. God reveals what you need to know.

 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. Matthew 6:6

 For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” Matthew 18:20

All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. 2 Timothy 3:16

Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed--not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence--continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, Philippians 2:12

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11

These are not random scriptures. They are scriptures that helped me understand there is no specific way to pray or study. No right or wrong way. So, I use bible journaling (art work) because it helps ME to remember what I've read. When I was in college, my psychology professor said when studying use bright colors. It's proven to help you recall what you read. I have found this to be true. I also find myself contemplating what exactly the scripture means while I journal. As you can tell I am not the best artist. But, it works for me and glorifies God.  Which is what matters.

My personal from experience advice for anyone who is wanting to increase their physical and/or spiritual life.

Do what works for you. As long as you are not starving yourself physically or spiritually there is NO right or wrong way. God created us uniquely. We are all one of a kind. Therefore, I can only think we must learn and become physically healthy uniquely.  As long as you are seeing positive results Spiritually physically or both, do NOT be discouraged. Keep going.... And, when you make a mistake forgive yourself, ask for forgiveness and keep moving. My prayer today is this blog helps someone know it's okay. Do what works for YOU!

God is great and coffee is your friend,

Hollie Kate

Religion Vs. Relationship

***Before you begin reading......This blog is NOT about accepting Islamic Muslims. It is NOT about allowing these refugees to enter the U.S. or not.  We are also called to be wise and seek him in all we do. We are called to pray for our leaders, and trust that everything is in Gods hands. We've read the book Genesis to Revelation, God WINS, bottom line. We act surprised when beheading are taking place. Because we fail to remember that bible clearly states this will happen. That would be different blog for a different day.****   

I am sure there will be people who want to argue this.... begin a religious debate. I am not entertaining a religious debate. I am fed up with religion. The people who claim only one "religion" is going to heaven. Uh...let me say,  I can assure you some of you will be shocked, surprised and confused if/when arriving to heaven and seeing, several religious affiliations who were baptized in Jesus name, walking those same streets of gold.  Oh, what  a day that will be (yes, I just sang that!)

I was raised in a Pentecostal home. A very strict hell fire and brimstone Pentecostal , bring down the hammer, (yes, just said that in my best WWE voice) type house. I've been a member of an Assembly of God, and baptist. I've attended a catholic Church as well.  Currently a member of a Baptist church  I am not saying any one of these "religions" are wrong. I am not say anyone is right. What I am saying is this......

Religion is man made. Not God made. I've never read a scripture and believe me I've looked. Religion causes division and confusion. God is the author of peace and unification of his people. In 1 Corinthians 14:33 it it clear,  saying, "For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints" . We are called to Love one another, and into a relationship with him. Not a religion with him. John 13:34 says, A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. Proverbs 8:17 I love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me. Any, religion, pastor or person teaching and justifying and condoning hate, discontentment and discord is not seeking or praising the same God we read about in the bible.  Growing up we were taught to fear God. Not as in reverence. It was a fear that was created by man.  A fear that if we did not obey all the "rules & laws" he would literally smite us. Figuring I was too imperfect, and could never live up to Gods expectations, why should I bother? God loves us, as we love our children. He desires a relationship with us. He loves when we talk to him, seek him for advice. Just as we do when our children reach out to us.
  vg
It took me many years. Unhappy years in church. Singing, praising and serving with a hesitant and very unhappy heart. Finally, leaving it all behind. Determined to find that joy, peace and happiness wherever, with whomever I could.  Spent several unhappy years seeking joy, peace and happiness in the world, before I picked up my bible and studied for myself what God wants, and requires from us. I know so many people who leave church because of religion. Why, it's confusing. It is scary. It is not worth it. Seriously!??!! People believe this. And, it wasn't just me. There is a whole world full of lost and hurting people who are turning to drugs, alcohol and sex in a slight attempt to feel something. To feel the love, acceptance and peace that can only be found in the arm of the father. Not everyone has a seed planted as a child. Then they are hit with all the religious mambo jumbo. And, run.... Yes, run like Forrest Gump.

Because of that seed, when the bottom fell out of my rock bottom. I decided to seek for myself. See an ye shall find, right? YES, right! Once I learned it is all about a relationship with Christ and not religion, learned his desires for us, with us and in us. My relationship with him truly began. I began to fear the Lord as in reverence to him. I learned a love through respect. I learned my prayers do not have to be eloquent, nor do they have to be long and drawn out. They only have to be sincere. The rest came natural.  Listed are a few scriptures that help me find my way. Helped me realize it is a relationship NOT religion.

Proverbs 1:7 - The fear of the LORD [is] the beginning of knowledge: [but] fools despise wisdom and instruction.

Proverbs 8:13 - The fear of the LORD [is] to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate.

Matthew 10:28 - And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

Ecclesiastes 12:13 - Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this [is] the whole [duty] of man.

Proverbs 14:26 - In the fear of the LORD [is] strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge.

Job 28:28 - And unto man he said, Behold, the fear of the Lord, that [is] wisdom; and to depart from evil [is] understanding.

Psalms 33:8 - Let all the earth fear the LORD: let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him.

Deuteronomy 10:12 - And now, Israel, what doth the LORD thy God require of thee, but to fear the LORD thy God, to walk in all his ways, and to love him, and to serve the LORD thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul,

Proverbs 14:27 - The fear of the LORD [is] a fountain of life, to depart from the snares of death.

Proverbs 3:7 - Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

Psalms 25:14 - The secret of the LORD [is] with them that fear him; and he will shew them his covenant.

Luke 1:50 - And his mercy [is] on them that fear him from generation to generation.

Psalms 111:10 - The fear of the LORD [is] the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do [his commandments]: his praise endureth for ever.

Psalms 86:11 - Teach me thy way, O LORD; I will walk in thy truth: unite my heart to fear thy name.

Isaiah 41:10 - Fear thou not; for I [am] with thee: be not dismayed; for I [am] thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

In Philippians 2:12 it says "Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling".


Today, I pray this blog helps/blesses someone who may be struggling with relationship vs. religion today. I pray that you will seek it for yourself. Talk with someone you trust. To learn as much as you can. To help you understand only a relationship with Christ can help your road to heaven. Do lose heart, seek God and continue to grow.....

Blessings,

Hollie Kate

Hard Divorce Lessons Learned..... (posted previoulsy, admended and reposted)

Photo Credits to Kelly Hendrickson

I posted this a while back.... I've chosen to add to it. Then re-post it. I share custody of one of my daughters with my dad. We have joint custody. All these apply in this situation as well. He is my parent. She is his granddaughter. Not your average custody agreement. But, with it comes the same issues. Especially when his current wife, it new to the family and three months older than I am. Make for a very different situation. But, through a lot of heartache, tears, anger and aggravation. When you dealing with custody issues in general there is so many emotions involved. When you are in this particular situation the hurt, anger and aggravation is deeper. You are dealing with family. Not, exes.  I've learned it takes a village sometimes. And, sometimes the best thing for a child is someone you may not care for. That is when we most definitely put ourselves aside for the sake of our children. So, regardless of your unique custody arrangements. All these still apply. And, never let anyone make you feel bad for not understanding a situation they've never been in themselves. Continue to do what works for you. Attempt to keep the "lessons I learned in my divorce in mind"

For those of us that have been divorced, some more than once. Hand up! Guilty right here. Yes, I shamefully admit I’ve been divorced more than once. I learned quite a bit from both of my divorces, however the one I am referring to today is my first divorce. The only divorce involving children. Four of my five beautiful children. When you are going through a divorce it is so hard to see past the current hurt and emotions. It does not matter if the divorce petition was filed by your or the other party there is still plenty of hurt, disappointments and emotions to deal with. That is just when it only involves the two parties. When you add children in to the mix you have so much more. I can promise you neither party is innocent. It does not matter your age when entering or exiting the marriage, neither party is innocent. Of course his friends and family will side with him condoning all of his actions as well as her friends with her. In the midst of all the hurt, drama, disappointments and confusion, it is the children who suffer. We are mature enough to comprehend the situation for the most part. They are not!! I think in my first marriage; I was excellent hiding any fights and disagreements. The reason I say this is my oldest was 13 when his father and I divorced and a year or so ago (8 years after our divorce) he says “mom I was so surprised when you and dad got divorced.” I of course asked why. His reply “because we never seen you fight or argue.” My thought for a split second was, wow I must have done a great job hiding and disguising our disagreements, that makes me the good parent. This did not make me a good parent. Nor does it make me innocent by any means. Since our separation and divorce we have both made our fair share of mistakes. I cannot speak for him. I am only speaking for myself. Divorce is hard, just as hard as making a marriage work. Not only do you still have to work together for the children’s sake but you have to do it around the emotions. It’s hard period!! I would tell myself this has to be a godly divorce. Uh really?!? I must have been temporarily insane. There is not such a thing as a godly divorce. A peaceful transition, yes! But a godly divorce, no! Before I receive message and emails regarding that statement I will say. I do believe there are biblical reasons for divorce. My second divorce my pastor gave me permission to file and finalize the divorce. So, yes I believe there are reasons God would allow divorce. He hates divorce, YES! But sometimes it is necessary (life threatening situations). However, that is for a whole other day/blog. So, I would like to share a few things I learned the hard way through my divorce. In hopes my mistakes may help someone else. And Yes I know there will be some situations these may not apply. There are not listed in any particular order.
1. Take your children and yourself to church. Attend a class for divorce care. They specifically designed a separate divorce care class for children. If it was an abusive relationship get counseling specifically for your situation. (another blog for another day).
2. Never for any reason bad mouth, talk down about, or even insinuate the other parent is less than a good person. Even if they are your thoughts. Half of your child’s genetic makeup is from the other parent. Don’t let them think half of them are less than anything amazing.
3. When you begin dating never allow the boyfriend/girlfriend around your children. When you carefully decided it is time. Make sure it is a social setting with lots of people. And, very important keep the displays of affection out of the equations completely. It keeps you and your relationship pure. And, your children have only seen you with their other parent. And, children love both parents unconditionally. This will hurt them, I promise!
4. Never for any reason go through your child for anything. I don’t care if it’s a lost coat, lost keys a pick up time or any other questions or inquiry you may have. Go directly to the other parent. Not only do messages get construed, remember the old telephone game. Children also have a tendency to tell the other parent what they think they might want to hear. Because they love you and want you to be happy. Which is why #2 is so important. This often leads to other questions ones that do not apply to your child. Listen to what your child has to say when they come home, then simply say “I am so glad you had a wonderful time with your Mom/Dad”. Even if you are not thinking it. And, one of the things I hated was/is. Having to go through his wife regarding "MY" children. Well, they are married. She is not taking your place with your children. However, she is taking your place with your now Ex-husband. They are now a team. Sometimes this is necessary.
5. Never miss a pick up date or time. It does not matter if you are the custodial or non-custodial parent. I don’t care if the plans have to be made weeks in advance. If you do miss it, personally call or talk to your child prior to it. And make arrangements to make it up to him/her. Then keep that date. Do not allow this child left to wondering. Children are imaginative and will imagine the worst. They will be hurt, unwanted and need the stability of your presence.
6. Never attempt to buy a child’s love. If you are the non-custodial parent so you only have every other weekend, holidays or just summers. It is not the quantity of time but the quality of time. There is so much truth in it’s not what you buy a child it is the time you spent with a child. Your child will not remember what your present. They will remember your presence.
7. When you are with your child even on a short visit do not be busy with other things (work, friends, other family, boyfriend/girlfriend). Make it a priority to be with your child. Do something fun with your child/children. If finances are an issue. Plan a picnic in the park, a board game night indoors making cookies, or homemade pizza.
8. When and if you re-marry do not allow your child to call the new spouse mom/dad. Even if the child’s other parent is deceased, incarcerated or just not around. They have two biological parents. They need to be reassured the new mom/dad is not trying to replace a parent. Even if we no longer love or even like that other parent, you child will unconditionally love them.
9. If the ex-spouse relinquishes parental rights for any reason. Do not let the parent come and go in the child’s life. They made the decision and it only causes misunderstandings, confusion and instability in the child’s life. Never tell the child they are not wanted, there will be enough abandonment issues. And, once again no matter how you feel about the ex-spouse they are genetically apart of that child. Do not let your child hear anything negative about the ex-spouse. The hardest thing I think I’ve had to say to my children is “he is not a bad person, he just made a bad choice” because it was the farthest thing from what I was thinking. And, still is.
10. No matter how your family or friends feel about your ex-spouse do not allow negative conversations about the ex-spouse to be discussed. Even if you think your child is outside, upstairs or not paying attention. They are listening even when you think they are not. Children can be mean and they are little recorders and repeat at the best times. And you don’t want another child to repeat what they heard. I've had to stop conversations between my family members more than once.
11. If you have been “guilty” of any of these things, remember it is not too late to sit your children down and apologize and let them know they are loved by both parents. Ask them to forgive you. Let them know you will make a conscious effort to change the way and what you think about the ex-spouse. I promise your children will learn a great lesson. They will have a new respect for you.
I am by far a professional not holding any degrees in these areas. Only a parent who has made my fair share of mistakes at the cost of my children’s emotions. And one relationship with a son of mine. I pray this blog will bless or help someone who may be struggling in a similar situation. If you are in a situation similar do not hesitate to email me or comment with your email.
Blessings,
Hollie Kate.

Mixed Thank You's!

Madison my middle daughter gave me a “Thank you” note after church last night. I always love their little notes. They always make my day. This one like many others was bittersweet. I sometimes struggle with the fact their father relinquished his rights to them. His decision wasn’t a forced decision but a voluntary one. These were not children that resulted in a one night stand. But, a thirteen year marriage. So, my understanding or lack of, relinquishing your rights due to the fact you no longer want to deal with the person you created this children with is NOT a valid reason for this decision.  I am not mad. I am not upset. I am not hurt, other than for my children. 

I am grateful God gave me the opportunity to be their mom. The honor of being front row in all they do. Yes, even on the days I am wondering if he knew what he was doing. Those days, you want to hurt them but don't because you love them. Those days you understand why animals sometimes eat their young. Those days!! Because, I as most single parents often wonder; am I screwing them up? This particular note Madison gave me last night, made me stop and think. Within days of getting these notes, normally comes tears and questions. I usually, make excuses for him. I usually just dry tears and hold them. Because,  How do I explain this to them. How do I help them without saying what is really on my mind? 

Well, as I sat on my bed with notebook in one hand, and my bible in the other. I just read. Looking up scripture only God himself could have laid on my heart. Let’s face it, I’ll admit I’ve read my bible. I’ve studied my bible. But, being able to find scripture the way I did. Well, that is just not me. 

As a parent, like any normal parent you want you kids to always feel loved, wanted and secure in who they are. Secure in where they came from.  When someone who is biologically programed to love them abandoned them, or “throws” them away. Regardless of the reason they will always be a amount of not feeling wanted. Not feeling good enough. Not feeling complete. My nine year old told me a few weeks ago, kids at school were talking about their dads. Talking about how their dads are fun and always there. She proceeds to tell me with crocodile tears “Momma not having a dad makes me feel incomplete!” Now, how on earth does someone respond to this. You don’t, you just love them.  It’s something nothing can prepare you for. No amount of training or schooling can prepare you for the heartache you feel when you child ask you this. 

When you are at a loss for words, only God himself can give you the words to help comfort them. To show the love they need. 

In Isaiah 41:9-10, It says “I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are mine'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you;”

Again in Isaiah 43:1-2 there it is ….. But now, this is what the LORD says-- he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

Then in Jeremiah 31:3 it says"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.

Romans 8:38-39 says….For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Psalm 68:5-6 says A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing

No in one scripture anywhere in the bible does it say, when I’ll love you until something better comes along. Nor does it say, I will replace you with another.  It does not say, I am here for you until i get busy, remarried or have other options.  God just loves, with, an every lasting love. constant love. unconditional. never ending. unwavering love. No matter who abandons them. No matter who has or will fail them. God will love them. He will never abandon them. He will never fail them. Their best interest is always at heart. 

Not just today, day nineteen I am thankful for the promises of God’s word. The promise that he will be a father to the fatherless. Thankful, he provides us with the words we need, when we are lacking wisdom and words. 

Chaos, Coffee and Jesus

I understand with all that is going on in the world, this is miniscule. But, it is my day seventeen of thankfulness. Ever have one of those mornings. You now the one where everyone is late. No one can understand the words “come on ladies. Were late let’s move it!” Where we need to go translates into, please move slower the snails have not yet passed you.  I despise these mornings.  Punctuality is a trait of mine. Yes, It’s possible. As if it were coded in my DNA. I have to be on time. When I start off the day behind, I feel like I am catching up all day.

Well, this morning was that day. We started out behind. Therefore, I was lacking in my usual coffee consumption. If you are an avid coffee drinker, like myself you know what I mean. After the stern one sided you have to be responsible and on time conversation all the way to school. I dropped the girls off at school. The the overwhelming guilt of my what I am sure they heard blah! Blah! Blah!  all the way to school sets in. Because you always have to be the bad cop. In my guilt and frustration, I was thinking I have fifteen minuets, I’ll stop at Pete’s to grab a cup of coffee. I needed this! My one cup of morning ambition was not; did I say NOT cutting it. I stood inline luckily someone I knew was in front of me. Score, at least I had someone to chat with while waiting. Bless her heart…. This barista was moving at a glacier pace. Which thrills me to the core. Finally, it was my turn…. I smiled ordered my drink. The same thing I order every time I go in….. “Sugar free vanilla breve latte with an extra shot.”  She gave me a look in which I assumed she thought I was ordering in an unknown foreign language.  I kindly explained to her it’s made with half-and-half instead of milk. At this point her glacier pace had been slowed to what can only be explained as loitering. I admit patience is not a virtue in which I possess.

She then hands me my cup, I pay and swiftly walk to my car. I drive over the suggested speed limit in a last minute attempt to be on time. Yes, I did it, one minute to spare. Lets just say God has a wonderful sense of sarcasm and humor. Why wouldn’t he? It is also apart of my genetic make up. I was designed by him and, he does speak my language. 

My Love Language 

 

Well after I get to work. Set at my desk and take a long awaited sip of my cup of ambition, wait a sip of my foam. Yes, you got it right. F-O-A-M! I just purchased a six-dollar cup of foam. The cherry on the top of my less than punctual morning.  UGH!!! Are you kidding me? Seriously? For real? Why?  After I silently set at my desk and threw my mental fit, I gathered what mental dignity I had and made my own pot in the break room.  Considering I have this inability to hide what I am thinking. I am sure anyone who walked by knew “Hollie, is having a bad morning or just plain nuts!” Either way both would be accurate! 

Tell me how do you carry on a conversation with a twenty something old co-worker about the Dixie Chicks Texas return and Charlie Sheen’s HIV status without a moderate level of coffee in your system. Guess, what you don’t. At least not on an adult level. Because, seriously all you can think is Duck tape, yes duck tape across your face would be nice. Yes, I am a Christian! I am an open book Christian. A perfectly imperfect Christian. I do have these thoughts. I admit to these thoughts. With the Philippians 4:13 (I can do ALL things through Christ, who gives me strength) reminder, I don’t act on these thoughts.

Then, one I sat and had a quick moment to breath the guilt from thoughts of the one sided discussion of we have to be on time and responsible set in. These chaotic mornings significantly ruin my mornings.  God like he always does, shows up and shows off, he brought to my mind 1 Corinthians 14:33 (God is not the author of chaos, but of peace) Synonyms for chaos Disorder, disorganization, confusion, discombobulation).  Which is a reminder, no matter how chaotic, discombobulated, disorganized or confused my mornings are, he is the author of peace. Take a moment to breath. Remind myself of John 14:27 (paraphrased) “Peace I give you, Peace I leave not as the world gives but I give. Don’t be troubled, and take heart” He has placed a spirit of peace within each of us. To overcome such mornings. So, day seventeen I challenge you to explore the spirit of peace. When life is chaotic, were lacking coffee we still have the peace of Jesus.

God's Lock Out

I’m a planner! I can’t help myself. I am self-diagnosed and I suffer with OCPD.  Obsessive. Compulsive.  Planner. Disorder. I actually don't suffer, I enjoy it (deep down, I have a little gypsy though).  Yes, I make list… lots. Of. List. Anyone who knows me, knows I love consistency. I love the same thing every day. I love knowing what we are doing daily. There is so much comfort in knowing what is planned each week.  Well, every morning I wake up, I walk down the same hall. Into the same kitchen. Make the same coffee and look out of the same kitchen window.  But, I always have a different view. A new wonderfully created view. A view in which can only be created by the master artist himself. I know no matter my circumstance. No matter my attitude. No matter the day of the week. No matter the season winter, spring, summer, fall there will be a masterpiece. Some days these views consist of blues, oranges and reds. Some days it’s purples and pinks. Some days it will be gray, dark blue and black. Each day it is a different beautifully vibrant painted view. Regardless of the color I take comfort in this consistency. And as an artist I appreciate the view. The in-depth colors, the placement of the sun and clouds. Okay, I LOVE the view. If we are connected via Facebook, Twitter or Instagram I am sure you know this by the amount of sunset/sunrise views I share.  

In awe this morning I decided to get a better look. So, I we walked out to the front porch. After snapping a few pictures I attempted to return to the house. What-do-you-know…. The door was locked. Ugh…. Seriously?!? I was LOCKED OUT! I of course knocked. Knocked again. Knocked some more. Aggravation has begun to set in. Children that can hear a chip bag opening through seven doors and three television blaring, all on different channels, could not hear me knocking….. How is this possible? I was shoeless. In my pajamas. On the front porch. Cold.  Not wanting to walk through the wet grass. I stood on the porch… huffing and puffing. In an attempt to not lose my cool, I sat down and just enjoyed the view.  It’s funny when I discovered I had been locked out; I was forced to sit and wait.  I then took advantage of the moment and prayed for a few people who came to mind. I know when are forced to sit and wait, is usually when God is trying to speak to us but we’re too busy to listen. As I sat and gazed upon the sunrise, praying over friends and family it was then I realized it……. 

Realized how thankful I am for God’s lock outs! Yep, you read it right. GODS LOCK OUTS! 

Because he loves us, he knows what is best for us. His timing is always perfect. He grace is always sufficient. His love is always abounding. He knows when to lock us out of a job. He knows when to lock us out of relationships. He knows when to lock us out of a move. He knows when to lock us outside. Just to have a sweet moment with us. He just knows! So, today I am thankful for God’s lock outs!

Friendship Bracelets

Every day as the sun starts to peek over the horizon. I open my eyes, and inhale. I am a morning person. I am usually ready to take on the day. I'm a chatty full of energy, crazy lady in the morning for sure. My daughter in law can attest to this. I am sure there are times when she has sweetly kept her mouth shut when wanting to tell me to shut-my-face!

My mind moves a thousand miles a minute constantly, especially between the hours of five and eight am. Of course my mouth follows. I am not sure why. Other than it's one of the many unexplained things that make me well..ME!

But, my blogs normally do not come to mind during this time. It is usually late at night when I want to sleep. Again, one of the many unexplained things, about ME! I am starting to feel sorry for the man God sends my way for marriage (different blog, for a different day).

Well, this morning as I am getting ready to take on the day. I placed six bracelets on my wrist, as I've done a hundred times before. But, today as I placed them on, one by one. Examining each one, which I hadn't done before. I couldn't help but notice how each bracelet was different. Some were thin metal. Some were thick metal. Some had deep groves in their design. Some had surface groves. Some had diamonds encrusted. Some had pearls. All unique in their individuality. Different strengths and different weaknesses.  But, each are unique and beautiful. After placing all six on my wrist, I noticed something I hadn't noticed before. How, really beautiful they were together. How each complimented the other. 

This reminded me of some close friendships I have. Let's be honest there was a time in my life I didn't attract the best kinds of friends. That radar that sends out warning flares, when "that" so-called-friend came along,  well I didn't have one of those. I just befriended everyone. Let me make it clean there is a HUGE difference between being nice and befriending, And, boundaries!!! Well boundaries  were not apart of my genetic make-up. If there was an unstable person within a fifty mile radius that wanted to sleep with someones husband. Lie relentlessly, or just had a natural talent for backstabbing; and gossiping; well we were magnetically attracted. After a long long long road of being hurt by so-called-friends. I built walls, not Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme walls. More like the walls of Jericho. Walls only God himself could bring down.

Eventually after several years of praying (marching) for Godly friends. Encouraging friends. Loving friends. Loyal friends. The kind of friends you want your children to have. I found!! Yep, like finding a gold mine. They were not found in the same places. They were not found all at once. See, once I started praying for these types of friends. God blessed me with discernment when it came to my friendships. He showed me boundaries. Healthy boundaries and discernment, Aaahhhhhh!!!  God given gifts all ladies should pray for. Life changing (yes, I just sang that)!

Well with these boundaries and discernment, what happened to my Jericho walls? Just as they fell in the bible, they fell in my life as well. I was blessed with a few very close friends. Friends that know my past and helped me to learn from it and know it's not what defines me. Friends that have seen each imperfection and loves me anyway. Friends who are in love with Jesus, too!  Friends I can call anytime day or night, they will listen, offer advice, but most importantly offer up prayers on my behalf.  Very rare, God given friends!

Kristi and myself in Mississippi

Shana and Myself in Las Vegas

Hannah and myself at a Thunder game 

       Therefore, when placing the bracelets on this morning, it made me think of these friends. As individuals we are all uniquely beautiful. We all have different strengths. Different weaknesses. Different groves (scars) some are surface and some are deep to the core scars. Different sizes. Yes different heights and weights. Different on so many levels. But, when you place us side by side, we just compliment the other. Together we radiate! Not because we're perfect. But, because we are perfectly imperfect beautiful Jesus girls. I wouldn't trade these ladies or the immense love for Jesus or me that they show. Displays of constant unconditonal love, grace and class. I love these women, tremendously!

We Are More

 Photo credit Meg Gaige @ Harpay Images

My apologizes,  It's been a few months since I have blogged, I am back. 

Have you ever just had an ache in your gut? Something that bothers you so much you can’t get it out of your head? Something that reaches the core of your soul and makes you literally weep? This picture makes so many memories and emotions flood my mind.  I grew up thinking I was never good enough. Pretty enough. Thin enough. Smart enough. Never enough. Even in the eighties society was telling us we were not enough. Decades later that message has only increased. Now with so many social media sites. Editing apps and software we are taught we are not enough. Physically, mentally, emotionally or physically. We as women are harder on ourselves as a result of society’s message. Then in turn we are harder and more judgmental towards each other.  Don’t get me wrong it’s not just woman who has issues with self-image, there are men too.  

I didn’t grow up in a house where I was told I was beautiful, smart or enough. I grew up in a home with a “dad” who drilled into me, I was not enough. A church that told me I would never be good enough in the eyes of god.  I was surrounded by people who didn’t offer words of encouragement, love or affirmations. People who were biologically programed to love and accept me unconditionally, in a roundabout way rejected me. However, they did offer; ways to change myself.  As sad and shameful as it is to admit these words of encouragement, love and affirmation didn’t land on my ears until I was an adult. Unfortunately, it was well into my thirties. My upbringing and constant degradation reflected my daily life. Because I truly believed these things about myself, I would often say statements such as I am fat, I am stupid, I need to lose weight, I wish I were taller. Statements all directed towards myself, but overheard by my daughters.  Daughters who view me as their hero. Someone perfect and beautiful.

Wow, how were they supposed to view themselves as anything more than what I am say aloud to myself? I have told them from day one how smart, kind, beautiful and wonderful they are. But, what they were hearing me say about myself screamed volumes over what I had been telling them about their selves.  This is a problem. A problem that I created. A vicious cycle. I had never told them directly or even thought it towards them. But, because they heard me say it about me, they began to believe it about themselves.

I have been blessed with some pretty amazing friends. I have three very close friends. They know my ins and outs, strengths and weaknesses. They’ve seen my skeletons and still choose to love me. They are all beautiful inside and out.  Seriously beautiful perfections. But, each one struggle with physical appearance. Beautiful women who look in the mirror and are unable to see past a wrinkle, blemish or what society refers to imperfections.  Unable to see what I see. To see what God sees. The wonderful beautiful uniquely designed perfectly imperfect masterpiece.

It is easier to see the beauty in friends you love than the beauty in yourself. We are taught if you think you are pretty, you’re so vain. We are taught if you love yourself, you are arrogant. Society tells us, we need plastic surgery, Botox, tattooed make-up, and perfectly toned size two bodies to be loved and appreciated. Lie, Lie and lie!

In my almost forty years on earth I have come to realize, I have carried seven babies, five to term. My body has housed these children for up to nine months. I’ve nursed them for months at a time. My body will never be stretch mark free. My body will never be perfectly tone. My stomach will never be flat. I have wrinkles, and I will never be perfect. Not physically or spiritually. And, God tells me that is ok. I am a work in progress. When I see my wrinkles, I remember how many hours of laughter I’ve been blessed with that created those wrinkles. When I see the gray hair that I used to cover. I see all the years of struggle that I endured and survived. The lessons learned and the wisdom I can now share.   There are so many scriptures to back how we are made. But, only one I need is, Psalms 139:13-16 “for you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

Dear friends, let us make it a point to encourage one another. To love one another. Embrace our imperfections. Reminding each other we are more than a wrinkle, more than gray hair. We are more than a number on a scale. We are women, we bring forth life. We are smart. Funny. Wise. Loving.  Silly. Fun. Crazy. Emotional. We have the ability to make a child and our man, feel better with one kiss. One hug. One smile. We set the tone in our homes. We have the ability to build each other up or tear each other down with one comment. We are WOMEN!  We are so much more than what society tells us we are.

Blessed, 

Hollie Kate