We Are More

 Photo credit Meg Gaige @ Harpay Images

My apologizes,  It's been a few months since I have blogged, I am back. 

Have you ever just had an ache in your gut? Something that bothers you so much you can’t get it out of your head? Something that reaches the core of your soul and makes you literally weep? This picture makes so many memories and emotions flood my mind.  I grew up thinking I was never good enough. Pretty enough. Thin enough. Smart enough. Never enough. Even in the eighties society was telling us we were not enough. Decades later that message has only increased. Now with so many social media sites. Editing apps and software we are taught we are not enough. Physically, mentally, emotionally or physically. We as women are harder on ourselves as a result of society’s message. Then in turn we are harder and more judgmental towards each other.  Don’t get me wrong it’s not just woman who has issues with self-image, there are men too.  

I didn’t grow up in a house where I was told I was beautiful, smart or enough. I grew up in a home with a “dad” who drilled into me, I was not enough. A church that told me I would never be good enough in the eyes of god.  I was surrounded by people who didn’t offer words of encouragement, love or affirmations. People who were biologically programed to love and accept me unconditionally, in a roundabout way rejected me. However, they did offer; ways to change myself.  As sad and shameful as it is to admit these words of encouragement, love and affirmation didn’t land on my ears until I was an adult. Unfortunately, it was well into my thirties. My upbringing and constant degradation reflected my daily life. Because I truly believed these things about myself, I would often say statements such as I am fat, I am stupid, I need to lose weight, I wish I were taller. Statements all directed towards myself, but overheard by my daughters.  Daughters who view me as their hero. Someone perfect and beautiful.

Wow, how were they supposed to view themselves as anything more than what I am say aloud to myself? I have told them from day one how smart, kind, beautiful and wonderful they are. But, what they were hearing me say about myself screamed volumes over what I had been telling them about their selves.  This is a problem. A problem that I created. A vicious cycle. I had never told them directly or even thought it towards them. But, because they heard me say it about me, they began to believe it about themselves.

I have been blessed with some pretty amazing friends. I have three very close friends. They know my ins and outs, strengths and weaknesses. They’ve seen my skeletons and still choose to love me. They are all beautiful inside and out.  Seriously beautiful perfections. But, each one struggle with physical appearance. Beautiful women who look in the mirror and are unable to see past a wrinkle, blemish or what society refers to imperfections.  Unable to see what I see. To see what God sees. The wonderful beautiful uniquely designed perfectly imperfect masterpiece.

It is easier to see the beauty in friends you love than the beauty in yourself. We are taught if you think you are pretty, you’re so vain. We are taught if you love yourself, you are arrogant. Society tells us, we need plastic surgery, Botox, tattooed make-up, and perfectly toned size two bodies to be loved and appreciated. Lie, Lie and lie!

In my almost forty years on earth I have come to realize, I have carried seven babies, five to term. My body has housed these children for up to nine months. I’ve nursed them for months at a time. My body will never be stretch mark free. My body will never be perfectly tone. My stomach will never be flat. I have wrinkles, and I will never be perfect. Not physically or spiritually. And, God tells me that is ok. I am a work in progress. When I see my wrinkles, I remember how many hours of laughter I’ve been blessed with that created those wrinkles. When I see the gray hair that I used to cover. I see all the years of struggle that I endured and survived. The lessons learned and the wisdom I can now share.   There are so many scriptures to back how we are made. But, only one I need is, Psalms 139:13-16 “for you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

Dear friends, let us make it a point to encourage one another. To love one another. Embrace our imperfections. Reminding each other we are more than a wrinkle, more than gray hair. We are more than a number on a scale. We are women, we bring forth life. We are smart. Funny. Wise. Loving.  Silly. Fun. Crazy. Emotional. We have the ability to make a child and our man, feel better with one kiss. One hug. One smile. We set the tone in our homes. We have the ability to build each other up or tear each other down with one comment. We are WOMEN!  We are so much more than what society tells us we are.

Blessed, 

Hollie Kate 

Three things God gave me on my fitness journey

 

I am not an ordained minister. I have not attended seminary. I am not a pastor’s wife.  I am not a deacon nor am I elderly saint with decades of wisdom and biblical knowledge stored in my heart or head. I do not hold any credentials that officially qualify me to teach, preach or share. I am not a nutritionist, personal trainer nor do I have a degree in health and fitness of any kind.

I am not sure that I am qualified in any way to write on this subject. However, from my own blood, sweat, tears, prayers and study. I have decided to write what I have learned. We have all dieted at some point in our lives. I know my entire life I was told by someone I was unattractive, fat, and ugly. Of course when you spend a lifetime hearing these things you begin at some point to believe it. Once you are convinced you are all these negative things it is almost impossible to believe anything else about yourself. Till this day my dad makes comments about my weight.  No too long ago I had said something to the effect my older sister and I were overweight and he said “Mandy is not fat.” So therefore I am the fat one? My entire life he has constantly made snide remarks about my weight. A few years ago after losing 80 pound my brother lovingly said “oh my your half the woman you used to be.” A proud moment for me. Then the pride was gone as fast as my Granddad could say “yea the bags under your eyes do look smaller”. Even as a freshman in high school a guy I was dating broke up with me informing me  my butt was too big to take to prom. I was 5’4” and 140 pounds. Well within my height weight ratio. My second husband constantly told me how fat and lazy I was. This is just a few examples. This was a constant battle. I have yo-yo dieted since high school.  It has been an emotional roller coaster.

Society tells us were to be thin. The thinner the better. I was watching a special on OWN, they were showing a story on eating disorders in Hollywood. One model ate cotton balls drenched in juice and would take up to 20 laxatives a day.  One actress lived on 150 calories a day. Another binged and purged to the point her teeth looked like a meth addict. The stories go on and on. I can guarantee you these women and men. Yes, men! Are far from healthy and closer to heart failure than someone 20 to 40 pounds overweight.  Hollywood tells us through the magazine racks, movies, television shows and books the thinner the better. Not ever taking the physical, mental or emotional health of ourselves or our daughters in account.

I found a journal, one I thought would tell me about my daughter’s crushes, hopes and dreams. However, this was not the case it was columns of food she had eaten, calories and any exercise she had done that day, she is 14. She is 5’6” and weighs 125. So far from overweight.  Yes, I think my daughter should be healthy. However I do not think she needs to be worried about calories consumed at the age of 14.  No matter how many times I have told her since birth how beautiful, sweet and wonderfully made she is. It wasn’t enough society still took a hold. She still worries about her weight. Where did I go wrong? What could I have done different? Absolutely nothing.

I’m big in to the low-carb diet. However I’ve not lost a pound in over two weeks. And I’ve been praying about it and God has shown me so many things. To assist me in weight loss that has absolutely nothing to do with the word DIET!!

Everywhere you look there is a new diet and exercise regimen being hailed: Weight Watchers, Weigh Down with Gwen Schamblin, Jenny Craig, Atkins, South Beach, Cross Fit, Curves, and your best friend’s unique method? Everyone has a different take on the best way to lose weight, but they all have one thing in common: we must get skinny.  So, over the last few weeks/days God has been dealing with me. He had dealt with me spiritually, emotionally, physically and with my heart. I am going to share with you some of the things he has shown me in this season of my journey to fitness. Everyone and including me forgets it is a matter of getting fit and being healthy for the glory of God.

 There is not one scripture in the bible says we need to be or have to be skinny! No one scriptures tells us we need to weigh a certain amount. Nor does it give us specific diet directions with recipes. It does however say in Genesis 1:29 (ESV) And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food.” And in Genesis 9:3 (ESV)   every moving thing that lives shall be food for you. And as I gave you the green plants, I give you everything.

God specifically states he made the plants and animals for us to eat. I am going to go out on a limb and say animal products too (butter, milk, eggs).  I think it’s pretty simple. We’re killing ourselves counting calories, fat grams and carbohydrates. No matter where or what we are eating. I am guilty!! Yes guilty, of the gluttony (over eating) I mean come on if its carb free I can eat as much as I want, right!? Uh nope!  I mentioned above God made it all for us to enjoy. We just have to practice three simple things.

1.       We should eat and exercise in a spirit of discipline and self-control. Not out of fear of gaining a pound or fear of fat/calories/carbs.

a.       Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

b.      2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT) For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-control. I still workout daily, it just does not consume me.

 

2.       We should eat and exercise in a spirit of thankfulness.

a.       "Everything God created is good, and to be received with thanks.  Nothing is to be sneered at and thrown out.  God's Word and our prayers make every item in creation holy." 1 Timothy 4:4-5 (MSG) we can eat that cookie grandma made us. Just not the whole dozen.

b.      "He who offers a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors me; and to him who orders his way aright I shall show the salvation of God." Psalm 50:23 (NASB)

 

3.       Eating and exercising to glorify God

a.       1 Corinthians 10:31 (ESV) so, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

b.      1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (ESV) Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. I make it a point to play only worship music while working out. It not only pumps me up, but I get to have one on one with God.

 

Follow these simple three things and you will change. Not only physically but mentally and spiritually as well. No it will not happen overnight. It will not happen in one week. You will notice small changes in your appetite, mood and your relationships. Because food no longer controls your thoughts, actions or your life.   But, it will happen. Remember when you get discouraged Philippians 4:13 (NIV)”I can do all this through Christ who gives me strength” and Philippians 1:6 “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ”.

 

Rely on Christ in prayer and follow the three suggestions and be confident and claim his word. He who begun a good will continue the work. I pray this blog may help you in your journey to spiritual and physical fitness.

 

 

Deciding today is the day!!!

I feel qualified to write and post this. Not because I have a degree in this area. But I have lost a hundred pounds, gained some back, lost it again and gained again. I’ve not ever gained it all back. Five weeks ago I decided today is the day! Not to diet but have a lifestyle change. I joined weight watchers, a gym and made changes at home. I do not strictly do weight watchers. I like the accountability of the weekly meetings and weigh in. The weekly weigh in keeps me from obsessing over the scale at home. I do still use my home scale, but I do NOT obsesses over it.  If, I am not satisfied with my weekly weigh in, I measure. And, I like the weight watchers app. Which automatically tracks my weigh in’s and I add my measurements. I love this. It’s a slow process. I have to keep reminding myself I didn’t gain it overnight and will not lose it that way either. Even if your weight loss process is slow remember process is process. As long as you are not gaining; you are doing GREAT!! There are times the scale barely moves but I can see myself changing. This is why I encourage working out with weights. With all this being said. I decided to write this because, I constantly see all these ads on the internet especially social media advertising get slim quick pills and diets. This makes me laugh. There is absolutely no such thing as a quick fix when it comes to your weight and health.  There is not a diet that is a permanent fix.  When looking for the definition of diet I found.

 diet /di·et/ (di´it) the customary amount and kind of food and drink taken by a person from day to day; more narrowly, a diet planned to meet specific requirements of the individual, including or excluding certain foods.di´etary

 There is NOT a special diet pill that will magically dissolve belly fat, or herbs to quickly rid your body of the fat. They do however make you shake, increase your heart rate and cause dizziness and sometimes fainting. This obviously cannot be good. I know, I'm guilty because I’ve done the prescription and OTC “magic pills.” I promise the side effects are not healthy and cannot contribute to your health, in a positive manner.

All “diets” will help you lose weight. Introducing an exercise including a weight regimen. This will increase the weight loss and help with ROM and muscle mass which also increases metabolism. However, most use diets as a temporary fix. This just does not work. It has to be a life style change.  Change your eating habits, increase your water intake. Increase your fruit and vegetable consumption, and your lean proteins. Try to avoid processed foods whenever possible. Decrease your sugar intake as well. Do not deprive yourself of the sweets you love. It will backfire on you. Then you will binge on those yummy, sinful treats. I try to keep on hand a bite size of my favorite candy for the “sweet monster in the afternoons”. I still occasionally visit my local Starbucks. However, I do request non-fat milk and I have down sized from a venti to a tall. Which only has 100 calories. This was a big adjustment for me considering I am shamelessly addicted to caffeine. And I decreased my visits from four to five times a week to once a week. Which helps me pay for my gym membership, Win win I’d say. I am not saying any of this is an easy journey. But a journey worth it. A journey to self-discovery, finding my fitness, and a journey to spiritual and emotional healing. It’s an amazing journey. One in which I wouldn’t exchange a day. I hope this has been positive and encouraging to y'all.

 

Remeber life is short, God is good and coffee is your friend.

XOXOX

Hollie Kate

Don't be afraid to try new things.

I was always told if it's healthy it has no flavor, it's bland or it is like cardboard. Well through my journey so far I have discovered healthy low fat, low calorie foods are truly tasty. You can make some pretty amazing dishes that are good for you and would want to eat again. No holding your nose when chewing or gaging as you swallow it down. This is not our grandmothers diet food. It is healthy, tasty, I want to eat some more food. It is all in the spices you use. I have a few suggestions for you that have helped me so far.

1. Buy lots of herbs and spices, experiment see what you like. (Sam's is a great place to buy in bulk. once you've tasted what you like you will need bulk)
2. Visit your local Farmers Market. Once you have had the fresh homegrown, everything else taste like poo! (okay, not that I've tasted poo)
3. Herb garden of your own a small herb garden can be grown year round. I have a balcony at my apartment I will be using in the spring and summer. I have found on pintrest (Thanks, Crystal) easy ways to grow herbs even vegies in a very small space. Herbs can also be grown year around in your home.(this is the time of year to buy, most gardening products are clearance. Even if you have to store them till next spring. The savings is worth it)
4. Don't be afraid to try new fruits and  vegetables. I have discovered Eggplant, Mangos and avocados and guava are very healthy and very tasty.
5. Don't be afraid replace your cheese on a burger with avocado, pineapple or even a homemade pesto. (I will be posting recipes later)
6. Eating healthy is more  costly than processed unhealthy foods. I am a single parent who has no form of child support or state assistance. It can be done.

These are just a few suggestions I have tried or plan on trying to help with my journey to being healthy and fit. Here some pictures of dishes I have made and were low fat, low calorie and delicious.  I will in the near future be posting recipes, tips and updates in hopes you can and will be blessed by them. Until later, Remember God is good, life is short and coffee is your friend .

Fat to Fit dosen't happen overnight.

Well here is goes. I joined Weight Watchers, joined a gym. I chose YMCA they have everything you could need in one place including three pools. They provide several spinning, Zumba, aerobics and other classes. These classes are included in your membership. I have found I love Weight Watchers because the point system is so easy. The barcode scanner allows you to make healthier choice before leaving the grocery store/farmers market. It tracks your points for you. I have modified the plan a little to meet my fitness goals. I would like to build some muscle therefore I d have decided to eat mostly proteins with green veggies. I don't want to bulk up  I just want to tone to change my flabby, misshapen physic due to unhealthy eating and giving birth to 5 children and 2 miscarriages over the last 20 years. The doctor says I am completely healthy and should go for it. I am excited, nervous and ready to jump in head first. There is some level of stress, I am making my journey a public journey so failure is NOT an option. I know that with my support of friends and family, encouragement and a lot of Jesus.  It is possible. I didn't get this weight overnight. It's been twenty years in the making. So I will NOT lose it in a healthy manner overnight either. It's about physical activity, working out and healthier choices. Poor eating habits are just that habits. Snacking habits! Bad, bad, bad and I am GUILTY! So it's not only a physical challenge but a mental challenge as well. So when you think about it say a prayer for me. If you have any helpful fitness tips or recipes. Send them my way.

Look me up on Facebook @ https://www.facebook.com/caffeinatedsinglemom feel free to like the page and add any encouragement, tips or recipes. Thanks for following my journey to fitness.