We Are More

 Photo credit Meg Gaige @ Harpay Images

My apologizes,  It's been a few months since I have blogged, I am back. 

Have you ever just had an ache in your gut? Something that bothers you so much you can’t get it out of your head? Something that reaches the core of your soul and makes you literally weep? This picture makes so many memories and emotions flood my mind.  I grew up thinking I was never good enough. Pretty enough. Thin enough. Smart enough. Never enough. Even in the eighties society was telling us we were not enough. Decades later that message has only increased. Now with so many social media sites. Editing apps and software we are taught we are not enough. Physically, mentally, emotionally or physically. We as women are harder on ourselves as a result of society’s message. Then in turn we are harder and more judgmental towards each other.  Don’t get me wrong it’s not just woman who has issues with self-image, there are men too.  

I didn’t grow up in a house where I was told I was beautiful, smart or enough. I grew up in a home with a “dad” who drilled into me, I was not enough. A church that told me I would never be good enough in the eyes of god.  I was surrounded by people who didn’t offer words of encouragement, love or affirmations. People who were biologically programed to love and accept me unconditionally, in a roundabout way rejected me. However, they did offer; ways to change myself.  As sad and shameful as it is to admit these words of encouragement, love and affirmation didn’t land on my ears until I was an adult. Unfortunately, it was well into my thirties. My upbringing and constant degradation reflected my daily life. Because I truly believed these things about myself, I would often say statements such as I am fat, I am stupid, I need to lose weight, I wish I were taller. Statements all directed towards myself, but overheard by my daughters.  Daughters who view me as their hero. Someone perfect and beautiful.

Wow, how were they supposed to view themselves as anything more than what I am say aloud to myself? I have told them from day one how smart, kind, beautiful and wonderful they are. But, what they were hearing me say about myself screamed volumes over what I had been telling them about their selves.  This is a problem. A problem that I created. A vicious cycle. I had never told them directly or even thought it towards them. But, because they heard me say it about me, they began to believe it about themselves.

I have been blessed with some pretty amazing friends. I have three very close friends. They know my ins and outs, strengths and weaknesses. They’ve seen my skeletons and still choose to love me. They are all beautiful inside and out.  Seriously beautiful perfections. But, each one struggle with physical appearance. Beautiful women who look in the mirror and are unable to see past a wrinkle, blemish or what society refers to imperfections.  Unable to see what I see. To see what God sees. The wonderful beautiful uniquely designed perfectly imperfect masterpiece.

It is easier to see the beauty in friends you love than the beauty in yourself. We are taught if you think you are pretty, you’re so vain. We are taught if you love yourself, you are arrogant. Society tells us, we need plastic surgery, Botox, tattooed make-up, and perfectly toned size two bodies to be loved and appreciated. Lie, Lie and lie!

In my almost forty years on earth I have come to realize, I have carried seven babies, five to term. My body has housed these children for up to nine months. I’ve nursed them for months at a time. My body will never be stretch mark free. My body will never be perfectly tone. My stomach will never be flat. I have wrinkles, and I will never be perfect. Not physically or spiritually. And, God tells me that is ok. I am a work in progress. When I see my wrinkles, I remember how many hours of laughter I’ve been blessed with that created those wrinkles. When I see the gray hair that I used to cover. I see all the years of struggle that I endured and survived. The lessons learned and the wisdom I can now share.   There are so many scriptures to back how we are made. But, only one I need is, Psalms 139:13-16 “for you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

Dear friends, let us make it a point to encourage one another. To love one another. Embrace our imperfections. Reminding each other we are more than a wrinkle, more than gray hair. We are more than a number on a scale. We are women, we bring forth life. We are smart. Funny. Wise. Loving.  Silly. Fun. Crazy. Emotional. We have the ability to make a child and our man, feel better with one kiss. One hug. One smile. We set the tone in our homes. We have the ability to build each other up or tear each other down with one comment. We are WOMEN!  We are so much more than what society tells us we are.

Blessed, 

Hollie Kate