Friendship Bracelets

Every day as the sun starts to peek over the horizon. I open my eyes, and inhale. I am a morning person. I am usually ready to take on the day. I'm a chatty full of energy, crazy lady in the morning for sure. My daughter in law can attest to this. I am sure there are times when she has sweetly kept her mouth shut when wanting to tell me to shut-my-face!

My mind moves a thousand miles a minute constantly, especially between the hours of five and eight am. Of course my mouth follows. I am not sure why. Other than it's one of the many unexplained things that make me well..ME!

But, my blogs normally do not come to mind during this time. It is usually late at night when I want to sleep. Again, one of the many unexplained things, about ME! I am starting to feel sorry for the man God sends my way for marriage (different blog, for a different day).

Well, this morning as I am getting ready to take on the day. I placed six bracelets on my wrist, as I've done a hundred times before. But, today as I placed them on, one by one. Examining each one, which I hadn't done before. I couldn't help but notice how each bracelet was different. Some were thin metal. Some were thick metal. Some had deep groves in their design. Some had surface groves. Some had diamonds encrusted. Some had pearls. All unique in their individuality. Different strengths and different weaknesses.  But, each are unique and beautiful. After placing all six on my wrist, I noticed something I hadn't noticed before. How, really beautiful they were together. How each complimented the other. 

This reminded me of some close friendships I have. Let's be honest there was a time in my life I didn't attract the best kinds of friends. That radar that sends out warning flares, when "that" so-called-friend came along,  well I didn't have one of those. I just befriended everyone. Let me make it clean there is a HUGE difference between being nice and befriending, And, boundaries!!! Well boundaries  were not apart of my genetic make-up. If there was an unstable person within a fifty mile radius that wanted to sleep with someones husband. Lie relentlessly, or just had a natural talent for backstabbing; and gossiping; well we were magnetically attracted. After a long long long road of being hurt by so-called-friends. I built walls, not Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme walls. More like the walls of Jericho. Walls only God himself could bring down.

Eventually after several years of praying (marching) for Godly friends. Encouraging friends. Loving friends. Loyal friends. The kind of friends you want your children to have. I found!! Yep, like finding a gold mine. They were not found in the same places. They were not found all at once. See, once I started praying for these types of friends. God blessed me with discernment when it came to my friendships. He showed me boundaries. Healthy boundaries and discernment, Aaahhhhhh!!!  God given gifts all ladies should pray for. Life changing (yes, I just sang that)!

Well with these boundaries and discernment, what happened to my Jericho walls? Just as they fell in the bible, they fell in my life as well. I was blessed with a few very close friends. Friends that know my past and helped me to learn from it and know it's not what defines me. Friends that have seen each imperfection and loves me anyway. Friends who are in love with Jesus, too!  Friends I can call anytime day or night, they will listen, offer advice, but most importantly offer up prayers on my behalf.  Very rare, God given friends!

Kristi and myself in Mississippi

Shana and Myself in Las Vegas

Hannah and myself at a Thunder game 

       Therefore, when placing the bracelets on this morning, it made me think of these friends. As individuals we are all uniquely beautiful. We all have different strengths. Different weaknesses. Different groves (scars) some are surface and some are deep to the core scars. Different sizes. Yes different heights and weights. Different on so many levels. But, when you place us side by side, we just compliment the other. Together we radiate! Not because we're perfect. But, because we are perfectly imperfect beautiful Jesus girls. I wouldn't trade these ladies or the immense love for Jesus or me that they show. Displays of constant unconditonal love, grace and class. I love these women, tremendously!

Sin is sin bottom line.

 

 

 

I usually don’t post anything regarding homosexuality. For several reasons. First, one of my sisters is gay and I tremendously love and adore her and her partner. You couldn’t ask to know two people who are any funnier, sweeter and have biggest hearts. Two, they know where I stand on gay relationship/marriage. I do not need to rub it in on a daily basis. Three, the bible is clear love the sinner h...ate the sin, correct?!? (To be clear, I am not calling anyone a sinner) The bible says your salvation is between you and God, not between me, a neighbor and God (Philippians 2:12). I am not condoning, nor am I judging anyone who lives a lifestyle different than what I believe is right or wrong. Four, I have my own skeletons. They may not be the same ones but they are there.
The following scriptures say the following six things are things in which the Lord hates. So, therefore you must have a soap box for each one of these subjects, right?
Proverbs 6:16-19
King James Version (KJV)
These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
A heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
19 A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.

Then it tells us, if we say we’ve not sinned were liars.
(1 John 1:10 - If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us)
Then it tells us if we know the good and do not do it were are sinning.
James 4:17 - Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth [it] not, to him it is sin.

You cannot force someone else to see you point of view. Your beliefs or how you feel. Constant preaching (drilling in) will not get you anywhere. Expressing scripture calmly, with love, and understanding. Then just pray for them. With any and all sin, not just what “you” consider the big sin.

So, with all that being said. Does it mean we are supposed to distance ourselves from people who shed innocent blood, lie, have a proud look, have wicked imaginations or cause problems? Give off a judgmental attitude towards and constantly give our biblical and/or political opinion on their lifestyle? No, we are not. We are to embrace with love. Not the lifestyle but the person. We are all born into sin (Romans 3:10). We all fall short (Romans 3:23). The bible gives the biblical definition of marriage yes of one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24). It also says he hates divorce times (Malachi 2:16). I’ve been divorced legally three times. In my past, my relationships involved pre-marital sex. I’ve told white lies to spare someone’s feelings. What does that say about me? I am a sinner.

Bottom line:
Yes…….we do live in a country where we can and will practice freedom of speech. And as your right you can say what you want. Quit being judgmental idiots about it, let he who has not sinned cast the first stone (John 8:7). The sin factor is not multiple choice. All sin is wrong, murder, lying, adultery, homosexuality, divorce, wicked thoughts, a proud look (haughty sprit), spreading rumors. They are all sins. The bible does not say there is a degree of sin. Like burns first, second or third degree. Sin is sin!!! It is not your place to judge another persons "sin".

A lost woman found in the birth of a baby.

 

Today, I am going to hesitantly and shamefully share my story of my youngest.  At the age of 28 I found myself newly single. I had been with my ex-husband and father of my four oldest children for 13 years. The only man I had even been sexually involved with. See, when you get married at sixteen and become a wife and mother you never truly have the ability to live out your teen years. If you are a decent wife and mother. No, I am not saying I was perfect and without blame. That is far from the truth. Well following the separation of my husband. I attempted to live out the teen years I missed.  I met a man the “perfect” man. That knight and shining armor, the man everything my ex-husband was not.  The man who promised me the world and then some. Nope….. Love is blind is so true. He was everything my ex-husband wasn’t and some. He was a toad in aluminum foil.  Within a few months of meeting, dating and having a sexual relationship with this man. Bam, you think I would have known better but it happened I was pregnant. That was me twenty-eight divorced with four children and pregnant. This knight and shining armor begged me. I am serious when I say begged me to have an abortion. When I informed him an abortion would never be an option for me.  He told me his brother and infertile sister-in-law wanted to adopt the baby. At that point I was livid. He promised a baby I was pregnant with to his brother. Of course I refused.  He then revealed his true colors to me. He distanced himself to from me. I was heartbroken. I loved him. I had never felt this way about anyone, ever. Before you judge me, remember my example of love was twisted. I had never been exposed to a healthy loving relationship.  Finally at one point he came around or so I thought. He picked me up and we drove around in his truck to talk. He then picked up a friend and a package. I was not naïve, just in denial. Before the night was over the package was opened and he and his friend shared a pipe. Yes, a pipe and not the kind filled with tobacco. I had never seen in person someone smoke a pipe filled with meth. It was only something I had seen on television.  I then requested to go home. We only spoke a couple of times after that. I moved from the town I lived in. I was broken, stressed and embarrassed. It was amazing how easily he moved on. After moving I had decided adoption was best for this baby. I was divorced, homeless, carless, and had absolutely no help. I flipped through a phone book and came across ABC adoptions in Oklahoma City. I browsed hundreds of profiles of infertile couples. I finally picked one. Rob and Christie, they were perfect. They were financially stable, big house on a cul-de-sac in a perfect Atlanta Georgia neighborhood. And stable employment. We talked almost every day. They agreed to an open adoption. They had painted fairies on the wall of the nursery. Each fairy had one of my children’s faces. A picture of me place in a frame on the shelf next to the crib. They flew in for my ultrasound February 14, 2006. They found out the sex of the baby. Even using brown eyed girl as their ringtone. It was set up they paid my living expenses while I was pregnant. One day in March I received my first ever eviction notice. I called the agency who recommended that I call Rob and Christie. She was so upset crying she couldn’t even talk, so didn’t get out of her what was going on. At this point I am hysterical and worried. Rob called and told me they had decided to wait till the birth of the baby and see her to decide if they wanted to move forward in the adoption. So, at that point there was no guarantee my baby would have a home with this couple. They backed out. This is very uncommon. The agency and I were at a loss to why for sure. At this point I was homeless again, 3 months away from giving birth.  This was a hard pregnancy. I was on anti-depressants, constant nausea and vomiting. So sick that the day before she was born weighed in 17 pounds less than the day I found out I was pregnant.  I once again moved back to my home town. The one the baby’s dad lived in. To my surprise his ex-wife asked are you still pregnant? It was that or I had swallowed a beach ball. I was then informed he told everyone I had had an abortion and moved away.  He still wanted nothing to do with us. He had already signed the adoption papers.  Without even trying a second family had just fallen into place. She was a Physician’s Assistant, single mom of an African American little girl also adopted. I have to explain while I was pregnant I had the mindset this was NOT my baby. I detached myself emotionally. A couple of time I drank, and not just some but quite a bit. I know this makes me sound horrible. I didn’t buy one baby thing. I didn’t listen to the heartbeat or watch the ultrasound. I completely detached myself. I was excited this new family had just fallen into my lap. This woman ended up being crazy I am talking insane crazy.  Threatening to pull out all of my hair if I changed my mind. Calling places all over town to check up on me. Telling me I was not allowed to leave the city limits with her baby. At this point in my life I was not a praying woman. I didn’t feel God love. It was my season in the wilderness. But, I did ask God to get me out of the situation. Guess what! He did. Her attorney called and said she had decided to adopt a baby where the birth mother lived in a different town. Relieved, however scared to death. My friends rallied around saying if you keep her they would help.  The irony in the situation these women were all women who had dated my daughters biological father. One was currently dating him. Till this day they are together with two kids. At this point I only have contact with two of these women. I was staying with one of them. It was not the ideal situation. They were always getting high in the back room. Six people in a two bedroom. I was blessed it was summer and my children with at their dads house for the summer. Five weeks prior to my due date. I felt something was wrong with the baby. Which was weird to me considering I had detached myself. I made my way to the ER. Where I was monitored. The nurse wanted to send me home. The doctor knew everything, he was not only my gynecologist but my therapist, and friend. He told her he wanted to watch me overnight. That night I put pressure on the sensors to make it appear I was having contractions. I promise I am not crazy. They wanted to send me home. I knew deep down something was not right. I was dilated to a 2 and had been for two weeks. The doctor decided to break my water. To move things along. Within a few hours I was dilated to a 5 then an 8. But 12 hours later I had regressed back to a five. The baby’s hear rate had fluctuated between 212 and 0. The doctor ordered an emergency Cesarean section. When I sat and lean forward for the doctor to place the catheter for the epidural. The baby crowned. Yes, she was being delivered regardless. I delivered my daughter 5 weeks early only dilated to a five. She was six pound ten ounces of blessing. She was charcoal gray, limp and without a heartbeat. The cord had been wrapped around her neck three times. I distinctly remember the doctor telling the nurse to take the baby out. I will never forget his words “she’s gone, take her in the other room”.  Right then and there I realized I had not detached myself from this baby like I thought I had. As I watched them attempt to make her breath, I laid there shattered. Then miraculously, I watched her cry and turn from charcoal gray to pink.

I was moved to my room along with my baby. It was then the doctor informed me 24 hours more in utero she would have been still born. And resuscitation would not have been an option.    I held her, I sobbed. What do I do? I have absolutely nothing to offer her. I am homeless, I have no job, and I have no money. I spent 24 hours holding a baby without a name, without a home without a capable parent. But the one thing this baby girl has was a big God. There was this sweet pastor who had been visiting saints from his church. I didn’t know him, I only knew of him. That day June 17^th he came into my room and forever changed my life and heart.  Till this day I remember word for word what he said. “I know you don’t know me. And, the only thing I know about your situation is what God has shared with me. You have had two families back out from adopting this baby. God is telling you, this baby is yours. She is your gift to keep”. He prayed then left. I don’t think I’ve seen him since. I know he passed a few years ago. That was it. I named her Kielee Joy meaning beautiful Joy.  My dad visited the hospital with a new car seat, diapers, wipes and a diaper bag full of everything a baby could need. It was like a baby starter kit. Including two hundred dollars cash in the pocket of the bag. Mind you I had not told him what I needed, when she was two weeks old I moved to Amarillo Texas. I lived with my dad, step-mom enrolling in school and working.

 

 

 

 This little girl literally save me from a road of self-destruction. I cannot tell you if it is because I was almost 29 when I gave birth so I was older, the series of events leading up to her birth or just God in the whole situation but I was changed. She is the sweetest, most kind hearted, funny, sarcastic amazing little girl.  Since then her biological father has relinquished all parental rights. So she is literally all mine. But God defiantly knew when he gave me her exactly what he was doing. God has impeccable timing. And he does know exactly what we need when we need it. Whether or not we realize it at the time. And since then I’ve not been on one anti-depressant.