Friendship Bracelets

Every day as the sun starts to peek over the horizon. I open my eyes, and inhale. I am a morning person. I am usually ready to take on the day. I'm a chatty full of energy, crazy lady in the morning for sure. My daughter in law can attest to this. I am sure there are times when she has sweetly kept her mouth shut when wanting to tell me to shut-my-face!

My mind moves a thousand miles a minute constantly, especially between the hours of five and eight am. Of course my mouth follows. I am not sure why. Other than it's one of the many unexplained things that make me well..ME!

But, my blogs normally do not come to mind during this time. It is usually late at night when I want to sleep. Again, one of the many unexplained things, about ME! I am starting to feel sorry for the man God sends my way for marriage (different blog, for a different day).

Well, this morning as I am getting ready to take on the day. I placed six bracelets on my wrist, as I've done a hundred times before. But, today as I placed them on, one by one. Examining each one, which I hadn't done before. I couldn't help but notice how each bracelet was different. Some were thin metal. Some were thick metal. Some had deep groves in their design. Some had surface groves. Some had diamonds encrusted. Some had pearls. All unique in their individuality. Different strengths and different weaknesses.  But, each are unique and beautiful. After placing all six on my wrist, I noticed something I hadn't noticed before. How, really beautiful they were together. How each complimented the other. 

This reminded me of some close friendships I have. Let's be honest there was a time in my life I didn't attract the best kinds of friends. That radar that sends out warning flares, when "that" so-called-friend came along,  well I didn't have one of those. I just befriended everyone. Let me make it clean there is a HUGE difference between being nice and befriending, And, boundaries!!! Well boundaries  were not apart of my genetic make-up. If there was an unstable person within a fifty mile radius that wanted to sleep with someones husband. Lie relentlessly, or just had a natural talent for backstabbing; and gossiping; well we were magnetically attracted. After a long long long road of being hurt by so-called-friends. I built walls, not Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme walls. More like the walls of Jericho. Walls only God himself could bring down.

Eventually after several years of praying (marching) for Godly friends. Encouraging friends. Loving friends. Loyal friends. The kind of friends you want your children to have. I found!! Yep, like finding a gold mine. They were not found in the same places. They were not found all at once. See, once I started praying for these types of friends. God blessed me with discernment when it came to my friendships. He showed me boundaries. Healthy boundaries and discernment, Aaahhhhhh!!!  God given gifts all ladies should pray for. Life changing (yes, I just sang that)!

Well with these boundaries and discernment, what happened to my Jericho walls? Just as they fell in the bible, they fell in my life as well. I was blessed with a few very close friends. Friends that know my past and helped me to learn from it and know it's not what defines me. Friends that have seen each imperfection and loves me anyway. Friends who are in love with Jesus, too!  Friends I can call anytime day or night, they will listen, offer advice, but most importantly offer up prayers on my behalf.  Very rare, God given friends!

Kristi and myself in Mississippi

Shana and Myself in Las Vegas

Hannah and myself at a Thunder game 

       Therefore, when placing the bracelets on this morning, it made me think of these friends. As individuals we are all uniquely beautiful. We all have different strengths. Different weaknesses. Different groves (scars) some are surface and some are deep to the core scars. Different sizes. Yes different heights and weights. Different on so many levels. But, when you place us side by side, we just compliment the other. Together we radiate! Not because we're perfect. But, because we are perfectly imperfect beautiful Jesus girls. I wouldn't trade these ladies or the immense love for Jesus or me that they show. Displays of constant unconditonal love, grace and class. I love these women, tremendously!

We Are More

 Photo credit Meg Gaige @ Harpay Images

My apologizes,  It's been a few months since I have blogged, I am back. 

Have you ever just had an ache in your gut? Something that bothers you so much you can’t get it out of your head? Something that reaches the core of your soul and makes you literally weep? This picture makes so many memories and emotions flood my mind.  I grew up thinking I was never good enough. Pretty enough. Thin enough. Smart enough. Never enough. Even in the eighties society was telling us we were not enough. Decades later that message has only increased. Now with so many social media sites. Editing apps and software we are taught we are not enough. Physically, mentally, emotionally or physically. We as women are harder on ourselves as a result of society’s message. Then in turn we are harder and more judgmental towards each other.  Don’t get me wrong it’s not just woman who has issues with self-image, there are men too.  

I didn’t grow up in a house where I was told I was beautiful, smart or enough. I grew up in a home with a “dad” who drilled into me, I was not enough. A church that told me I would never be good enough in the eyes of god.  I was surrounded by people who didn’t offer words of encouragement, love or affirmations. People who were biologically programed to love and accept me unconditionally, in a roundabout way rejected me. However, they did offer; ways to change myself.  As sad and shameful as it is to admit these words of encouragement, love and affirmation didn’t land on my ears until I was an adult. Unfortunately, it was well into my thirties. My upbringing and constant degradation reflected my daily life. Because I truly believed these things about myself, I would often say statements such as I am fat, I am stupid, I need to lose weight, I wish I were taller. Statements all directed towards myself, but overheard by my daughters.  Daughters who view me as their hero. Someone perfect and beautiful.

Wow, how were they supposed to view themselves as anything more than what I am say aloud to myself? I have told them from day one how smart, kind, beautiful and wonderful they are. But, what they were hearing me say about myself screamed volumes over what I had been telling them about their selves.  This is a problem. A problem that I created. A vicious cycle. I had never told them directly or even thought it towards them. But, because they heard me say it about me, they began to believe it about themselves.

I have been blessed with some pretty amazing friends. I have three very close friends. They know my ins and outs, strengths and weaknesses. They’ve seen my skeletons and still choose to love me. They are all beautiful inside and out.  Seriously beautiful perfections. But, each one struggle with physical appearance. Beautiful women who look in the mirror and are unable to see past a wrinkle, blemish or what society refers to imperfections.  Unable to see what I see. To see what God sees. The wonderful beautiful uniquely designed perfectly imperfect masterpiece.

It is easier to see the beauty in friends you love than the beauty in yourself. We are taught if you think you are pretty, you’re so vain. We are taught if you love yourself, you are arrogant. Society tells us, we need plastic surgery, Botox, tattooed make-up, and perfectly toned size two bodies to be loved and appreciated. Lie, Lie and lie!

In my almost forty years on earth I have come to realize, I have carried seven babies, five to term. My body has housed these children for up to nine months. I’ve nursed them for months at a time. My body will never be stretch mark free. My body will never be perfectly tone. My stomach will never be flat. I have wrinkles, and I will never be perfect. Not physically or spiritually. And, God tells me that is ok. I am a work in progress. When I see my wrinkles, I remember how many hours of laughter I’ve been blessed with that created those wrinkles. When I see the gray hair that I used to cover. I see all the years of struggle that I endured and survived. The lessons learned and the wisdom I can now share.   There are so many scriptures to back how we are made. But, only one I need is, Psalms 139:13-16 “for you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

Dear friends, let us make it a point to encourage one another. To love one another. Embrace our imperfections. Reminding each other we are more than a wrinkle, more than gray hair. We are more than a number on a scale. We are women, we bring forth life. We are smart. Funny. Wise. Loving.  Silly. Fun. Crazy. Emotional. We have the ability to make a child and our man, feel better with one kiss. One hug. One smile. We set the tone in our homes. We have the ability to build each other up or tear each other down with one comment. We are WOMEN!  We are so much more than what society tells us we are.

Blessed, 

Hollie Kate 

Dear longsuffering sisters,

You always hear people insinuate women are the creatures that God created with an abundance of patience. As though we have been biologically wired with this super human ability to wait, wait and wait some more. To endure all that is thrown at us, regardless how we feel. This is so not a natural ability I was born and wired with.  Not even an ounce of it.  I know listed in Galatians 5:22-23 it says "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there no law." 

When I read this I was like, "Yeah, patience isn't listed! So, boom!" Yes, I admit I do live in my own little world where I have these conversations with myself. (Shhh! don't tell). I had once read to always read/study your bible with a dictionary, just in case, and I do!!! It is a good thing. I always find a deeper meaning to words I know or thought I knew. If you look up the definition of longsuffering it says:  

long-suf·fer·ing

adjective

adjective: long-suffering; adjective: longsuffering

1. Having or showing patience in spite of troubles, especially those caused by other people.

"His long-suffering wife" (love this! Yes, it was their example. Not mine)

synonyms:

patient, forbearing, tolerant, uncomplaining, stoic, stoical, resigned

 

After reading this I thought good God almighty, love a duck! Are you serious? To suffer a long time with troubles even caused by others. So, not designed for this. You have got to be kidding me. This is NOT ME, AT ALL!

 You would think as a mother of five blessings. I'd have the patience of a rock. Um, nope! Not even close. I openly and shamefully admit it's my weakness. Well, that and coffee.  I am sure, I am not the only one.

Well, one afternoon at work, okay I am a Clinic Coordinator for a Family Practice Clinic. Where everyone is sick. All feel bad. All think their problem is my only problem form 7:45-4:30. All are demanding and all want to feel better now. No! I don't blame them.

However, some days...... LONGSUFFERING for sure. Then with five kids. Dogs, cats, and fish. Oh, heavenly father!! Oh, how I do need you!!

I do, I do, and I do love my job. It is AWESOME!!!

So, don't get me wrong. Okay, Monday mornings not so much!  I am so THANKFUL for it. But, every other day.... AMAZING! My boss, a sweetheart and well my co-workers they rock! Anyway, this one afternoon at work (which I'm sure was a Monday) It was insanely crazy. I am talking full moon stormy weather, forgot their medications kind of crazy (medical field well they KNOW).  I seriously wanted to run to bathroom. Fake a sickness and abandon ship. Just for the day. But..... I didn't! I pulled up my Jesus girl bloomers and stayed professional did what I was paid to do. Yes, I was in constant prayer for help. Help to deal. Help to lighten that day’s load. Just HELP! Pray without ceasing, YEP, that was me!!! Then out of the blue. One of my "trouble" patients called. This person I will call Jack Doe (of course this is not really his name). Jack had PROBLEMS! Ones which made everything in my life seem like a slice of Apple pie alamode. Not just any apple pie alamode. The warm apple pie alamode with caramel drizzle, a dollop of whip cream with cherries on top. I have always fought to show an ounce of  patience with this man. To the point in my mind asking for forgiveness. Forgiveness for the thoughts I had towards this him. Well, I answered the phone that particular afternoon, and he said and I quote (he was crying) "Ms. Hollie, I don't need anything. I just wanted to thank you for always being kind to me. You are always have so much patience with me. You always treat me like I'm human, you have no idea how much that means to me." BAM......Jesus, spiritually slap yo' face at work moment. There was that word P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E!  

Believe me, I DO NOT possess the virtue patience. I do not think I could have it or keep it, even if I carried in bottle in my back pocket. See, I always thought patience was a big never have a bad thought. Never have a bad moment. Never show any emotion endure it all thing. Guess what!!!! That is the lie the enemy tells us. So, we are overwhelmed with the guilt of not having patience. Then we lose focus because were failing at such a small thing God has called us to do. Satan has slimy little devious tactics to make us lose focus.... Keep in mind Satan is the father of all lies. I can prove it…..

 In John 8:44 it tells us

 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

2 Corinthians 10:4-5, "(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds ;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ."

 When you begin to believe the lies and deceit Satan throws your way. Is when you’re in trouble? I know I’ve been there; more than once! Yep, me this Jesus girl right here.   I can speak from experience. That small lie. I have no patience, put me in a place spiritually I didn’t need nor want to be in. I lost focus. I let my guard down. I allowed the enemy to swoop in and let me think I wasn’t good enough for the rest of what God has for me. If I was unable to show patience how was God going to use me in the bigger picture? That one lie led to a whole basket of negative thinking. All this feeling of worthlessness. I took a social media hiatus. This is big, I am a social media junkie. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat.... Guilty right here. I can't help it LOVE them all. I checked out in areas of my life at church. And, I have an absolutely AWESOME church. In ministries God called me to. Such as Life Group Leader, Connect Kids, and Switch Leader. This one little simple lie affected me in such a way spiritually I could no longer work for God. I could no longer focus on his promises. Sounds overboard right? No, not really that is just another lie that trickled down from the first lie I let Satan tell me. See when we embrace that very first lie. Satan assumes he has the authority to continue to lie to us. I promise you whenever he gets that chance he will take it 100% of the time.

So, the lesson I learned that day in one simple phone call. That I truly believe was God ordained. Broke something in me spiritually that shattered Satan’s little glass box of lies he had me in.

So for all my readers, friends and followers who believe the lies of the enemy that lead you to spiritual blocks. Take heart, don’t give up, and don’t feel guilty. We have all been there.  That one little lie whether it is a lie about patience (longsuffering), your weight, your abilities, your parenting, your ministry or your health. It can affect all aspects of your spiritual life. Hinder you and disable you. Listen to the voice of truth. Sometimes it’s a still small voice. Other times is a loud earthquake. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes daily. Do not let the guilt take you away from what God has in store for you. Simply ask for forgiveness. Start over and know God isn't looking for perfection. He is drawn to imperfection and brokenness. He is looking for willingness. He is looking for worshippers. He is looking for the unqualified. Guilt is the lie of the enemy.

 

Bottom line:

Do this:

Hebrews 10:22, "Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water."

He Will:

Psalms 103:2-4, "Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;"

Then do this:

Philippines 3:13, "...this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before."

2 Corinthians 8:12, whatever you give is acceptable if you give it eagerly. And give according to what you have, not what you don't have.

And HE WILL DO THIS:

Ephesians 2:10, for we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

The sit with a willing heart. And, watch what God can do through your willingness. BOOM, it’ll happen. In his perfect timing.

Remember life is good. God is great and coffee is your friend.

 

Hollie Kate.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Chaos in Christmas

 

I love Christmas time. The temperatures, the lights, the smells (oh.... the smells), the tree and even the family gatherings. I love the simplicity of the season. Yes! The simplicity. I know and have met so many people who complain. They are so exhausted mentally, emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually. Why? The Christmas season!!! I've never understood this.

Christmas was never meant to exhaust us in any way. It was never meant to make us stress; especially about finances.

We spend so much time trying to figure out who and what to buy for whom. We're out-doing what we bought last year. For some, it's out-doing the other side of the family, In-laws and the other parents. Fighting parking lots, patrons in stores and long check out lines. We then worry about our overdrawn bank accounts, drained savings and maxed out credit cards. Now, how does this contribute to the reason for the season? You're right! It doesn’t!! Not even in the slightest!

Anything that causes us stress, chaos and discontentment is not of God. It is not of anything godly. Satan works hard. He works very hard to rear his ugly face in any and all aspects of life. Every stinking day of the year. He is not confined to a certain time of year. He is not confined to a certain season. That's right.... He will in any way he can distract you from the true meaning of the season. This is when we lose focus. This is when we STRESS OUT!

But...... Let me tell you! It does not have to be this way!!!!!!!

Christmas is not about the presents. It's about the Presence! The presence of family. The presence of Love and most importantly the presence of GOD!!

I challenge you today, tomorrow and all Christmas Season. Stay focused on the reason for the season. The birth of Christ... As in Isaiah 9:6

“For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.”

(image borrowed)

Here are a few ways to help with teaching our children and ourselves (including me):

Teach our children why we celebrate the season as in Isaiah....

• Buy less..... My children will get one gift and stocking suffers. And, these are purchased at the after Christmas sales. (yes, I'm that Mom!!).
• Don't be afraid to give hand crafted heart felt gifts. (People love them)
• Make a bigger deal out of their birthdays
• Take the focus off the giving of gifts. Give to others. (make a Christmas meal & deleiver to a family who may not have Christmas dinner without it)
• 
  
• Volunteer on Christmas morning. (Salvation Army, Jesus House, Homeless Shelters, Soup Kitchens)
•  
• Use the money to purchase and pass out coats, gloves, scarfs, shoes, sandwiches, soups to the homeless. 

I pray this will help you as much as it helped me while writing it. Christmas is a wonderful spiritual time of year. That all started with the birth of a baby. Who was born to die. To suffer and die for our salvation.

Blessings,

Hollie Kate

 

 

 

 

Over Shooting The Target?

We have a dog. A big slobbering fur shedding hundred and forty pound teddy bear. We love this dog. Well....he does not know he is a dog. He is part of the Hendrickson family. And, he knows it. He is our brat! He is so smart. He is very protective. He a cuddling game playing sweet dog. With all this we get the fur. This dog sheds enough to knit a nice XL sweater on a daily basis. This is even when brushing him daily.

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10204666218648415&set=vb.1624173453&type=3&theater
(spike at this finest with the girls)

I wear a lot of black. Not sure this an intelligent move when you have a dog with a monstrous shedding issue and a cat.  Well let's face it. I am not a twig. And black, well it slims us, right?! So, I live in black and I had taken these perfect freshly washed and dried unwrinkled slacks and laid them lovingly on my bed. I go above and beyond to make sure my slacks do NOT have dog hair on them when I leave. I want to... Okay, I am OCD and I NEED to make sure they are free of dog hair. Of course and of anything else displeasing to the eyes or stomach. I would literally climb a mountain or swim an ocean (and I HATE water/swimming) to avoid this dog hair (but, I love this dog).

 

(Kielee & Spike) 

Anyway, I this particular morning I went through a lot to ensure hair free slacks. I was so focused on these hair free slack. I had showered, blow dried my hair. Applied my make-up. And, was standing in my room in my undergarments. Ready to take on the day ahead. You know it was one of those days. Where you are ready to face and take on the world. Because, You know this nice clean outfit that looks so good on you and makes you feel pretty darn amazing.  Yep, I am about to put it on!!!  I excitedly glanced over at these nice clean wrinkle-free hair-free slacks. Okay, things like this make me happy. Yes, I am aware I may be in need of some kind of medication. But, since that has not been diagnosed. I mean than anyone, only web MD. I'll continue to be excited about clean clothes and a clean house.  Well as I was basking in the happiness of the hair free slacks. I attempted, yes attempted to apply lotion to my lizard legs. That special kind of lizard legs, that only comes with the wonderful season we call winter. As I gently pushed down on my favorite bottle of lotion. The lotion came shooting out of the nozzle, like a bullet form a 357 magnum. It overshot my hand and over my shoulder and would you know it...... Onto the freshly cleaned, hair free slacks. Not just a normal small amount. But, enough to lotion a small child. UGH!!!!!! I was not the slightest bit pleased. I was so focused. I was so intently careful to make sure these slacks were perfect. And, in this split second they were trashed. Dirty and un-wearable. Still without dog hair.

Sometimes we hear people say "I knew at that moment God was speaking to me." Well, Seriously at that moment I KNEW!  There are so many times I have been so focused on that thing over there! Whatever that thing may be. I was so intently focused on those dog hair-free slacks laying over there. That I had missed the mark right in front of me. How many times have we missed the mark directly in front of us. How many times what that mark important. How many times if we had just focused on that mark we could have prevented the mess ahead.  More times than I can count on my fingers and toes. Okay, if were being honest I might count the hair on my head, too!

 

(Yes, this was me this morning)

I felt God telling me.... STOP obsessing on that over there. On the things up head. If you don't want to be messy then focus on the task in front of you. Because sometimes there will be slacks that are not dog-hair-free. And, that is okay. Just focus on what I have placed directly in front of you today. Focus on who I have placed in front of you today. And, tomorrow and the next day and the next day focus on that task. That person. And, watch how messes can be prevented. And, because God loves us. That is what he does. In Isaiah 45:2 he tells us this "This is what the LORD says: "I will go before you,  and level the mountains. I will smash down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron." We need not worry. That is what he does. Instead do as instructed in Philippians 4:6  "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." 

So, I challenge you what I have challenged myself. To stop. To focus. To intently give all I've have to the task in front of me. The person in front of me. Because, at that moment that is what is important. And, do you know how to know each one of those moments are the most important moments. Are you breathing?  If you are reading this I am sure you are! Then, that is what makes it important. Everything we choose to do. Every minute throughout our life. We are exchanging a moment in time for. Focus on the moment. The right here right now moment. And, find the joy in each one. I vow to not miss another moment and to see the joy in the moment. The gift of the moment, the task or the person.

Mandisa: "Born For This (ESTHER)" - Official Lyric Video

Feels like I've been holding my breath, trying to still my restless heart
Everything hangs on my next step, finding my nerve, playing my part
I found shelter underneath His crown, found favor inside His eyes
Rock this boat, and I just might drown, honesty seems to come with a price
There's a time to hold your tongue, time to keep your head down
There's a time but it's not now

Sometimes you gotta go, uninvited
Sometimes you gotta speak when you don't have the floor
Sometimes you gotta move, when everybody else says you should stay
No way, no, not today
You gotta ask, if you want an answer
Sometimes you gotta stand apart from the crowd
Long before your heart could run the risk
You were born for this
You were born for this

I'm leaning on the ones before me, my father's father's dreams
I'm standing on the top of their shoulders calling the One delivering me
There's a time to hold your tongue, time to keep your head down
There's a time but it's not now

Sometimes you gotta go, uninvited
Sometimes you gotta speak when you don't have the floor
Sometimes you gotta move, when everybody else says you should stay
No way, no, not today
You gotta ask, if you want an answer
Sometimes you gotta stand apart from the crowd
Long before your heart could run the risk
You were born for this
You were born for this

One step, one move.
Born to trust You.
Made to lay my
Life before You

Sometimes you gotta go, uninvited
Sometimes you gotta speak when you don't have the floor
Sometimes you gotta move, when everybody else says you should stay
No way, no, not today
You gotta ask, if you want an answer
Sometimes you gotta stand apart from the crowd
Long before your heart could run the risk
You were born for this!

Child Centerd Home VS. Christ Centered home. (long but worth it)

I think as parents we all struggle with parenting for one reason or another. We want to do the right thing. Be the best parent and avoid any mistakes. We want to feed them the right things. We worry about helicopter parenting. We worry we don't helicopter enough. If we are unable to make it to this game or school function. We worry we are unable to participate in one thing or another. We worry they will be picked on. We don't want them to conform to the world. But, we want them to "fit it". We want them to be accepted and avoid them being hurt at all cost. I am not just talking about being hurt physically, mentally, emotionally or even sexually.

Bottom line...... Parenting is hard. Especially single parenting. I am not talking I need a couple of hours extra sleep. One tear on my cheek hard. But, I am talking about hiding in closet bawling like a baby I need to sleep the weekend, hiding behind the couch stuffing a candy  bar in my face kind of hard. If anyone says parenting is not hard, they must have nanny's, chefs and unlimited funds (true story).

It is time to expose myself......... As a single parenting since 2005 (I did remarry and divorce again since then, another story for another day).  I have struggled in one manner or another, on a regular basis. I had two boys in football at the same time. We ended up at practice 5 nights a week (at times) and games three days a week. Working two jobs and attending college makes it challenging to attend everything I needed to attend. We are not counting the two girls in vocal programs; or the one in daycare I had.  It is HARD!!!!! Till this day it aggravates me to not end when someone says "why did you have five kids being single".  Immediately the holy spirit abandons ship and I want to throat punch someone. If in a million years I ever thought I'd be divorced, I would have brought them into the world. Duh..... What kind of person makes a statement like that to a parent, single or not.

I didn't want my children to be "unstable" or hurt so I also had them in counseling four of the five in counseling every week, was also added to my schedule. Along with the youngest with severe allergies at the time and had to get allergy shots every week. Believe me! I am not complaining, only explaining to give you a visual.

So, my schedule was crazy hectic to say the least. Well, I have learned through a lot of parenting mistakes. Through trial and error. Through blood, sweat and tears. We are not perfect and will never be. To expect it from yourself or another is ridiculous.  Parenting in general is a messy, emotional. crazy, hectic, beautiful roller coaster of a ride.

At times I was sad, jealous and mad. I felt cheated, wronged and abandoned. By family. By my ex who promised our differences that caused the divorce wouldn't make the children "suffer" through it. I wanted my babies to have it all. The perfect mom. The nice house. The nice car. The extracurricular activities. I wanted the best clothes (name brand of course). I had seen all the other single mom's at the events and school activities have these things. I would be angry with my children's father because of the lack of child support. And, I would go home. Fix my children the newest concoction that I created from whatever ingredients I could find in the cupboard.  Then I would bathe them, place the newest thrift store finds on their little bodies and tuck them in bed. Then I would go to my room with my youngest who has always slept with me. And, cry till I couldn't see straight. I did this for several years.

See I attended church. I volunteered every Sunday, for two hours. Then I would attend Sunday school and worship service. I never felt accepted, wanted or care about. It was hard. And, who suffered the most. Not me, not my ex.... but it was my children. See, when we place our eyes on attaining the material possessions for our children we will fail one hundred percent of the time. It took me a long time to realize this. Way to long. And, in the process of trying to attain the goals of material things I lost a few pretty important things.

1. I was so caught up in being the perfect parent. I failed to attain a relationship with the perfect God. therefore I lost myself. I lost myself in the midst of trying to give it all to my children.

My home had become a child centered home, instead of the Christ centered home. EPIC FAIL!!!

2. My second oldest son. He refuses to talk to me. He moved to his dad's and will not see me, period.

Also, my home had become  a child centered home, instead of the Christ centered home.  Again, EPIC FAIL!!!

3. I had focused so much on making my home a child centered home. I had failed to think about what will I do when my children a raised and gone.  I never focused on a relationship of my own. Not with Christ or a future mate.

In the midst of it all I focused so much on children. I had lost sight of the real goal. Don't get me wrong. Our job is to love our children. Give them roots and then wings. But, we try to giving it all. Giving it all to them is NOT our job. When we do we create monsters, Seriously!!!!

I would read books upon books on Christian parenting. I would enforce what I had learned for a brief time. Then when trying to enforce it had gotten to hard. I'd go back to what I felt was best. Not what God knew was best. The biggest EPIC PARENTING FAIL, of all.
To focus on our children without focusing on God first is our biggest parenting mistake of all. Our children suffer. We suffer and then their children suffer. A vicious cycle of Epic Parenting Fails. And, to know I created it, is the biggest heartbreak of all. I love my children to much.
We want the best for them. So, we give them the name brand clothes. We give them the smart phones. We give them the television in their rooms. We give them the computers, cars and trips to the movies and malls. See the pattern..... WE GIVE, WE GIVE,  WE GIVE! 

What have we asked them to give? What responsibilities have we asked of them? Any at all?

I still have two daughters living in my home at this point. And, I love all five of my children so much it hurts. Seriously till it hurts. However, I've learned a huge lesson in the first twenty years of parenting. And, I have promised to God to have a Christ centered home and not a child centered home.

See, even the state only requires us to give them a roof over their heads, meals, clothes and love.
The computers, televisions, phones, trips to the movies, malls etc..... they are all privileges. Things you earn. YES!! I said the one thing all children dread hearing EARN!!!! You want theses privileges you must pay or work to earn at least half of the cost. You loss the privileges then it is the child's responsibility to earn it back. The length of time is up to them.

Failing grades: loss of all privileges! Failure to do chores: loss of all privileges! Lying/disrespecting another: Loss of all privileges! Must sound harsh. That's okay. My home has become a Christ Centered Home. No longer a child centered home. And, that is the way it will remain. The bible says:
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6. God's promise is however we train them (Good or Bad) they will not depart. Therefore, it is our job not to give it all. I do not want my children to be trained with the spirit of entitlement.

So, I challenge you today. If you have created a Child Centered Home, to create a Christ Centered Home. Keep a journal note the changes you see in your home, in your children and in yourself.
Keep on keeping on for God's glorious Kingdom you will eventually call home.

Remember all Good things are from heaven above. That is how I know coffee is heaven sent ;)

Praying someone out there is blessed by today's blog.
Hollie Kate

The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. Proverbs 29:15

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Det 6:7

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. Psalm 127:3-5

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:14-17