I am a control freak when it comes to my daily life. This is not a secret to those who truly know me. I like stability, schedules and consistency. I love knowing what time were going to bed and getting up. I even love knowing what nights we will be watching a particular television show. I love knowing at 630 every evening my 12 year old daughter and I will compete solving puzzles on Wheel of fortune. I do not like surprises in any way shape or form. I contribute my almost OCD level of this to my childhood. As a child there was so much chaos, instability and uncertainty in my world. It always left me feeling confused, tired, fearful, unfocused and without peace. Even now when things get chaotic I get anxious. Something as simple as cutting my hair, having my nails done or uninvited guest cause anxiety attacks. Yes, this is something I've dealt with for years. I've turned it over to God and I've let him or so I thought. I live a peaceful life in Waco far from family. I do have a few select friends here. I have a daily routine and it's the same day in and day out. I love it this way. Well last Friday my boss and owner of the company I was employed at informed me the doors would be closing Monday. Yes, in a brief forty-eight hours. This was completely unexpected. At that moment my peaceful scheduled life was thrown into a downward spiral of chaos. I was in shocked, anxious, nervous and worried. And that is just the tip of the ice berg of emotions.
I had to stop and calm down I vowed I would prayerfully fast and read my bible. Along with applying for position in various cities and states. Appling for unemployment. I even have gone as far as purchasing a new bible, which I've been wanting for a while. I bought new pens and took out an old empty journal. I've jumped head first into prayer, fasting and studying. I know there are times throughout the day when I feel overwhelmed by the circumstance or fearful of the unknown God has shown me in scriptures he is still here. He has not left me, nor will he. He will not forsake me. I am reminded in Ecclesiastes 3:1 " To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven". I've been sure this is just a season and this too shall pass.
Then this morning I check my email and there is a message stating I don not qualify for unemployment. I didn't make enough. Very frustrated I drove to the Workforce office to inquire about this decision. I was given a paper to apply for appeals. The sweet elderly man who helped me said it may have just been a typo or error entered on either end. So, I asked how long the appeals take. His reply "if all goes well or as planned it'll take five to six weeks". Another spiral of chaos in my new world of uncertainty. I felt the fear, anxiety, frustration and tears starting to overwhelm me. I called my mother who immediately calmed me down. As I drove home I was quickly reminded by God the bible says in Isaiah 42:16 "when God says he will, it's a guarantee he will". I have been faithful to turn to him and his word he is working on my behalf. See a few years ago I would have immediately look at the situation and reacted out fear. And, yes usually making the worst decision possible. Causing the domino effect to my circumstance. So, I sit here today with uncertainty in my future employment and residence. But I chose to put my faith, hope and trust in God. I chose to not let my circumstance pull me away but drawn me closer to God. No, I am not perfect and I do have those moments in which I stand and say "God I need you to take over". And guess what he does, EVERY TIME! And I challenge you today. If you are facing uncertainty have faith and let God work for you.
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