We have all experienced family or relationship dysfunction
at some point in time. All families and relationships have some form of
dysfunction. Dysfunction rears its ugly
head in many forms. The Ike and Tina
Turner household. The Charles Manson household. The “Mommy Dearest” household.
The “Because I Said So” household. The David Koresh household. The Tyler Perry
household. I could keep going. For me I was raised in the Ike and Tina
household mixed with the Tyler Perry household. With a side of Lt. Col. “Bull” Meacham.
Then to my surprise with my second
marriage, I married it. At times I know I had been ashamed or embarrassed due
to family or relationship dysfunction. See, there are the ones who minimize the family
or relationship dysfunction. Making excuses and condoning the dysfunction.
Surrounding themselves with people in like situations to help condone and
minimize. Then there are the ones who also tend to
maximize our dysfunctions. Making mountains from mole hills. Like any
dysfunction in our lives it always seems bigger when we feel engulfed in it.
However, there is great news regarding family and relationship dysfunction. Our
God is bigger than any type of dysfunction we can encounter. At one time I didn’t think this. Family and
relationship dysfunctions are biblical. I never realized how many times the
bible mentions various kinds of dysfunctions in families and relationships. Most of us could find patterns of
dysfunction some more apparent than others. Whether it’s an abusive spouse, unethical
parent or grandparent, an inappropriate uncle or aunt, a toxic sister or
brother, family’s often repeat destructive patterns for generations draining
the “fun” out of “Dysfunctional”! I am going to share with you a few of the
dysfunctional families mentioned in the bible. I can admit it was bittersweet
studying these families. Going down the road of the past, also learning God is
so much bigger than any of it.
GOMER & HOSEA: After leaving Hosea to be a prostitute
years later, Hosea bought her from her
slavery for fifteen shekels of silver and thirteen bushels of barley (Hos.
3:2). Then he said to her, “You shall stay with me for many days. You shall not
play the harlot, nor shall you have a man; so I will also be toward you” (Hos.
3:3). He actually paid for her, brought her home, and eventually restored her
to her position as his wife.
ABRAHAM: This man’s
family definitely had some dysfunctional moments!! Abraham pretends that Sarah is his sister,
he had a son Ishmael with Hagar his wife’s maid. He nearly sacrificed Isaac…but God used him
to change the world.
JOSEPH: His brothers sold him into slavery. (I think we’ve
all considered this with our siblings at some point). Joseph’s story is also a
biblical portrait of what God can do in the midst of a dysfunctional family if
just one family member is yielded to Him. In the end he married the mother of Jesus and became the earthly adopted
father to Christ.
KING DAVID: He sees
Bathsheeba bathing, skinny dipping, getting naked on the roof so David calls
for her “has her” with her while her husband is on the front lines of the
battle. King David’s son raped his half-sister
Tamar. The scriptures state that Tamar
begged Amnon not to “do this wicked thing”. Later Tamar’s full brother Absalom
would have Amnon killed in retaliation. Believe
it or not…… David was called “A man after God’s own heart.”
TAMAR: Er married a
Gentile woman named … Tamar. Er died and his brother Onan rose up to do his
brotherly duty by marrying Tamar. But he, too, suddenly died, leaving Tamar
both husbandless and childless. So because she was impatient and unwilling to
wait for God to supply her need, she hatched a scheme to cause her
father-in-law Judah to sleep with her. Her plan was simple: Dressing up as a
shrine prostitute, she seduced Judah into sleeping with her, whereupon she
became pregnant and gave birth to twin boys—Perez and Zerah. Tamar is strange, dysfunctional and this is
the kind of people that made up Jesus’ family tree.
JACOB: Jacob has
thirteen children. That’s not a
dysfunctional problem, that’s more of a birth control problem, however, he had
those thirteen kids with four different women. Yes, four women talking about
some baby mamma drama.
LOT - At one point Lot offers his daughters to rapists. If
that isn't dysfunctional enough for you then how about a little incest too? Both of his daughters tricked him and became
pregnant by him. Wife also turned to a pillar of salt for disobedience of “looking
back.”
Out of all the stories of biblical family dysfunction I think
my favorites are the story of Hosea and Gomer. And the story of Joseph.
What I love so much about Joseph is this: While he comes
from a long line of dysfunctional family members, God has an amazing,
unprecedented plan for his life. Joseph’s intimate walk with the Lord far
outweighs his family circumstances. By whole heartedly surrendering to God,
Joseph chooses a different path than the inherited tendencies of his past. He
chooses to be trustworthy in character, chooses to be obedient to authority,
chooses to be sexually pure, and chooses to be forgiving instead of vengeful.
As a result, although Joseph’s brothers mean to harm him, God uses their
treachery as part of His far greater plan. To quote Joseph “You intended to
harm me, but God intended it for good …” (Genesis 50:20).
No matter how troubled you’re past, no matter how turbulent
you’re present, and God has a plan for your future. Joseph’s story is a
powerful reminder that you don’t have to be a prisoner of your past. Hallelujah!!!!!
Jeremiah 29:11 says, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord,
‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a
future.’”
Hosea and Gomer’s story is a story of love. Pure perfect genuine godly
love. The kind of love God showers upon us. No matter how many times Gomer ran
and embraced the sinful life Hosea took her back. Even to the point he
purchased her from slavery being used, dirty, and sinful. He saw past the hurt
she caused him and loved her enough to pay a price for her. That takes some
godly love. I can’t not say I would do this.
God took Abraham, Joseph, Lot, Isaac, Jacob, Tamar, King
David, even the woman at the well. And with any dysfunction family or
relationship you may have or have had. God is bigger and he can and will turn
it into good. I’ve been working on this myself. About the time I thought I had
it under control. I married an abusive man and a whole new dysfunction
began. It was a vicious cycle of dysfunction
and after all I had done in prayer and study I wasn’t supposed to be back in
that place. And I had once again ask God to do what I am going to ask you to do
if you are in a cycle of dysfunction with family, friendships, or any other
dysfunctional relationships.
Take it ALL back. Just like Hosea, Gomer, David, Joseph, and Lot did.
Only rising above the dysfunction by …Ok, I don’t think this is coincidence
that “I will rise” by Chris Tomlin came on Pandora immediately after writing
rising above. Rise above it all, Take back your joy, peace and life. Give it
all to God.
1.
Ask God to give you eyes to see dysfunction
that is hindering your joy and peace.
2.
Identify what patterns causing the dysfunction
needs to change.
3.
Forgive the person or persons including yourself
that is allowing or causing the dysfunction. Forgiveness is where healing
begins.
4.
Make attainable goals that will enable you to
move forward the emotional health and healing God wants for you.
5.
Decide no turning back. Give up the unhealthy dysfunctional
relationships that cause you emotional, physical and mental dysfunctions.
6.
Share your struggles with someone close. Someone
who will encourage you, pray with you and keep you accountable.
Be assured, with the power of Christ inside you, your past does not
have to dictate or sabotage our future. Memorize and apply this Scripture to
your life: “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life
…” (2 Peter 1:3).
I pray this blog may bless someone who may have unhealthy dysfunctional
relationships. God has so much more for us. We have to take out the garbage and
make room for him.
Blessings,
Hollie Kate
