Bitterness Is Like Poison

      
"Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled"  Hebrews 12:14-15    


Let me start by saying I am not perfect, I've never claimed to be. I have done and said things I am not proud of . Things in which I cannot take back or undo. I can only move forward with the help of a very big God, a little coffee and a whole bunch of prayer.

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me" Psalm 51:10

 Recently, I have attempted to purge my life of any and all bitterness and anger. Anger, I had held onto with a clinched fist. For so many years.  I've prayed and asked God to purge my life of this anger, bitterness and hatred.  He clearly explained to me (not in an audible voice. But, how cool would that have been?). The steps to cleanse my heart, mind and life of these things were in my control. He could heal my heart.

"“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother." Matthew 18:15

But, I had to make the first steps. For those of you who are regular readers of my blog you know. I've raised my children by myself since 2006ish. I was bitter, angry and resented my ex-husband and my youngest daughters father. For making me raise my children emotionally, financially, emotionally and physically alone. I had 8 years of cooped up built up anger and lets face it hostility. And, I am not even a hostile person. I started by sending my ex-husbands new wife, well of 8 years. A Happy Mother's day message and thanked her for being a great mother to my one child who does live with them. To my surprise I received a pleasant response.

I then sent a message to my youngest daughters father. Thanking him for the privileged of being this amazing little girls mommy. For allowing me to raise her in a Godly, somewhat stable (wink!) environment. And, to my surprise I received another amazing response.

I took this purging process a step further. I send my Step-Mom (whew that is still somewhat hard to say). A Happy Mothers day message. I apologized for being the pain-in-the-butt I had been. Letting her know if she made my dad happy that was their business. Yes, having a step-mom that is your age and you feel always in competition with you or your children. Not only for the affections of your Dad. But, for your place in his life.  Especially when you had finally had some-sort-of relationship with your father. Or when it drove a wedge between your children and their grandfather.  I can honestly say, I am no longer mad, upset or angry.  I admit it's hard; very hard. I continue to pray I can be accepting and mature in this situation. These things no longer bother my. I would like you to know where God has brought me from.

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working" James 5:16

Don't get me wrong, I am no longer angry or bitter, towards any of these individuals. Do, I have to continually pray for healing and restoration in these relationships and situations?! Of course. It is like any healing process. You continue to pray and ask God to show you ways to bless and restore the friendships/relationships with others.

"And the Lord restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before". Job 42:10

I resolve to continue to pray for others. Pray that I do not harbor anger, bitterness or resentment towards anyone. That God will continue to restore dismantled relationships that he wants resorted. And, that I will be able to let go of and place in his hands the ones that are not his will.

I pray you find a blessing in my mistakes.
Remember God is great, prayer is good and coffee is your friend.