My home, Am I doing it all wrong?

Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
and your plans will succeed.
Proverbs 16:3

When we are little girls we all dream of the “perfect” life we will one day have. I think, especially if we didn't have that “perfect” life a child. We say when I grow up "I won't do that" & "I won't let that happen". I will be the perfect mom with the perfect house. Well, when we grow-up we all soon discover this is certainly an unattainable goal. I am sure over the years, God has watched me attempt this feat, he has laughed out loud; while shaking his head.

There so many days as a mom I get distracted by the chaos of life. The full time job, attempting to run a part-time photography business, keeping up with my garden and two daughters 13 & 8 still living at home. Then I have the added chaos of my married son and daughter-in-law staying with me until their apartment is ready. It is seriously a busy and chaotic life. Then I start thinking it's only summer. School will be back in session soon. We will have meetings, sporting events, plays & programs to attend. I find myself overwhelmed. I really don't notice myself getting overwhelmed until my mood changes. See, I am normally a happy-go-lucky person. Very laid back and goes with the flow of things. But, very OCD when it comes to cleanliness of my home and organization. I then notice I'm being to be short with my children. Having a bad attitude. Then watch them watch on eggshells due to my lack of patience. Then I feel guilty, apologize to my kids and realize this is NOT Godly parenting. This is not even good parenting. My children a gift from God. They are his reward. Entrusted to me for a moment in time. What am I thinking? I have to make a change and soon. God has assigned me glorious task, how do I not loose sight of it?

I stated by buying The Love Dare for parents by Stephen and Alex Kendrick. By just the 3^rd day of dares. I was intrigued. I wanted more as a mother. I knew I needed to be more. I knew I needed to do more. But, where do I start? Here are a few things I have found. Things God has prayerfully shown me and I have incorporated into our home. I will let you know how well they worked in time.

1. Remember, each day is a gift.

Today is gift. A present from God. Designed and custom made for me. All aspects of this day, including the difficulties, challenges and messes are tailored fit for me. It may not be what I've prayed and asked God for. But, exactly what he knows I need. God only gives us what we need. And today I may need, that challenge. That mess. That difficulty! God fills my life daily with so many blessings. Some of these blessings are right there out in the open just like Christmas morning. Some of those other blessings are hidden. In incognito. In disguise. And, those hidden blessings are the blessings that end up being the biggest blessings with the best message.

This doesn’t mean I do not struggle daily. And, that I don't find some days challenging. I just try to remember that these days are designed to help me grow in my faith, in my mothering and homemaking. And yes, I have to make a choice and some days it's an effort to remember this. I try to hold on to “this is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24). I have to actively purse joy.

2. Keep an heavenly perspective.

I am I displaying this? In my mothering and homemaking? I would get caught up in Facebook or other social media sites. I would spend hours upon hours after my regular 8 hour work day editing photos or scheduling photo shoots. Then I decided!!! I deleted my Facebook account completely. I set apart a certain amount of time each day to blog. I no longer use photography as a business. I do favors and volunteer as photographer occasionally. This is something I carefully and prayerfully considered before following through. And, guess what!!! I DO NOT MISS FACEBOOK. I do not miss the hectic schedule of my own business.

 Allowing me more time to focus on the external aspect of mothering and homemaking.  I love the extra time with the girls.

 

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men” (Col. 3:23).

 This is definitely work. Very valuable work. And, work I could use to bring glory and honor to God. I have to constantly remind myself (no this does not make me a bad, mom). This is all work I can do for Jesus! I have to look past my own selfish ambitions. Like missing my favorite late night drama, the loss of sleep and loss of my own free time (whatever “free” time is).

I have to make the decision to focus on the eternal things. The eternal souls God has carefully entrusted in my hands. Yes, I sometimes wonder what he was thinking. Take hold, purse it, love it, be positive all for the glory of God.

3. Take a time out (often if needed)

When you feel weary and you just need a quick break, (a walk or jog). I choose gardening most of the time. Yes, sometimes stepping back for five minuets will do the trick. This break I know is a simple trick. And, sometimes a much needed one. It will do amazing things for you mental, physical and emotional well-being. While doing this take a deep breath, breathe in the fresh air. Let God's natural elements sweep over you, refreshing you. Sometimes, you need to do this more than once a day. And, that's okay. (I shamefully admit occasionally it's just hiding and eating my favorite candy bar).

4. Develop a purpose for you family/home.

Let's face it. The majority of us do not have some kind of brilliant mission statement for our homes. Most of us do not pray and ask God for a “mission statement” for our family. I know I've never done it. Most of us do not even realize the purpose of our family or home. I know I was seriously clueless.

I had read a blog once where someone challenged me. Someone I didn't know. Someone God had obviously flown in under my radar to speak directly to me. She posted “Where there is no vision, the people perish” (Prov. 29:18). A mission statement will help focus you on the priorities, guide you in making better decisions, and keep your view above the changing tide of circumstances.

Wow, what a huge eye opening statement for someone. Like a lowly single mom. I had to think back over the years of my parenting choices. I had operated recklessly as a mother. I had no vision. As I loved my children, all of them. Give up my life, do anything to help them type love. I wasn't mothering with heart. The heart God intended us to use.  Had I truly focused on my mothering priorities? I hadn't! So, right then and there I decided I was going to do it.

So the beginning of my “mission statement”. What is my mission? What is my purpose in my home?

I thought I prayed nightly God would help me become the mother he created me to be. The one he intended when he intrusted me with these precious little souls. My mission has risen from the following scriptures.

• Then all the people left, each for their own home, and David returned home to bless his family. 1 Chronicles 16:43
• On the twenty-third day of the seventh month he sent the people to their homes, joyful and glad in heart for the good things the Lord had done for David and Solomon and for his people Israel. 2 Chronicles 7:10
• These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.
• Deuteronomy 6:7
  
  
• They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. Acts 46:46
• Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
  1 Corinthians 13:4-7

These scriptures gave a foundation on which I could build my mission statement. My mission from here on out is........

 “To make my home a place of blessing, joyful a place full of love and learning, training and testifying to the Lord's goodness”.

  End the end falling short of this is a failure for me. And, when it comes to my children failure is not an option. I am not saying that daily I will not fail. I am human. I am imperfect. However, I am created by a perfect God who never fails me. One who will help and guide me. If I'll let him. Help me not fail with the eternal result.

5. Study & Memorize the word of God

As outlined in Proverbs 31. How does one become this mother, friend and wife? How do I make my home the kind of home she made? Is it even possible? Well sorry ladies I am no longer married. So, I do not feel I can elaborate on the wife part of this. How does she laugh without fear of her, the future of child/children? For starters she trust the Lord God with all her heart and soul. She buries her face and heart in the word of God.

It's Proverbs 31:17-31

“She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate

(yes, I skipped verses 1-16. Those verses focus on the wifely duties)

So, in the end. I have learned I am not perfect. I will never be. I can focus on what I have learned and apply it daily. I can pray and ask God to help me rely solely upon him to help me. And, prayerfully trust that he will. I know my attitude/mood has a powerful effect on the atmosphere in my home. I determined if my home houses the peaceful joyful presence of God. Where my children thrive and flourish into the people God has created them to be. Or if I allow it to house a presence of discouragement, a joyless depression, and negativity. It is up to me. I have to conciously make the decision and yes some days the effort. To make my home the home God intended it to be.

Remember God is great & Coffee is your friend,

Hollie Kate